Today we moved rooms in our house. Now the boys have their very own rooms. Yeah. I have the larger space with Steve and thorugh it all we had to move and get rid stuff. Basically everything we owned was touched today and half of it I think was taken out of the house. The boys now have what I have always wanted…their own space.
I lost it during the day today. It started with Steve mentioning some thing about finances and then me so PMSing that DEVON arrived…without warning…
She was pissed. She realized that after all of it was are not moving to a bigger better house with a sperate entrance for her. We are not giving her her own room…in fact she is not even MOVING and she is PISSED!
I swore I would let her have her way but what I think happened is I channeled all her desires into my work and I have truly begun to learn how to take advantage of my drive and endless propensity to do the next thing.
But in the house she seemed to look around and she was pissed and so my son..seeing me cry with this utter frustration —-even though he was helping just as much..more than anyone becasue I couldn’t lift anything bc of the hole in my head and my other son had a race and a game that Steve was taking him to. So basically -my eldest son was leading the move initiative and when he said….
MOM…( after hugging me and letting me cry) it is just Devon..
I instantly awoke from this FOUL MOOD of PMS and I was free.
Is this was it feels like fo people who have multiple personalities…I am still facinated by the fasinated that while i am upset and acting like a brat and all DEVON i am keenly aware that this is a MOOD and I am not in my best state of mind
Much like a part in a play…I do it..i answer the drive of the role…but deep down I know it is not the best version of me…becasue I know me now..TRUESUE .and that..that has made all the difference
Hard to go HOME when you never been.