A scene between 40 and 44
A- Hey snooze
B- It is Susanne now
B_ Well..yeah..I guess
A- Getting older Susanne
B- Because I want to accept it before the inevitable
A- Youth is still on your side
B- It was..
A- Are you giving up?
B- I am undoing my fakeness
A- Your what
B- My bullshit ness
B- I want to experience MY life…not a version of it.
B- TO know I was present…here..living …not just adjusting my reality to what I want wish convinced it should be
A- Sounds heavy
B- It is actually really light
B-Getting there …just have to let go of my lies- reset them
A-Did you return to them?
B-Some- NY- London- Reviewing them through my eyes now and through my body now..
A-Speaking of your body- what the hell did you do
B-Oh, you mean my breasts
A-Yeah- our boobs—what the fuck!!!
B-I took them out
A- Why? They were so fun and sexy and amazing
B- Because they were also Bullshit… you can’t evolve with bullshit in you or on you or else you just make MORE bull shit
A- So you are cleaning yourself out of bullshit
B- Of anger and I think the boobs gave me that and protected me at times too but regardless…I need to handle our Bullshit…and that means being REAL first with myself
A- You look very different…
B- I don’t do Botox either
A- Are you fucking kidding me….you are a train-wreck- you’re ruing ME.
B-I’ll find an alternative..i promise …i am concerned about freezing movement…which I believe is aligned with health
A- Shut up- Your husband is hot- he’ll leave you
B-He could- he won’t – or he would have..besides…it is a journey.
A- Your crazy
B- I am
A- My throat is closing…
B- I know
A- Are you doing this on purpose…bringing me here to see you murder me piece by piece— you are a wicked person..
B- I need to do this so you won’t try and come back- I need to burn our bridge so I can move into whatever this new version of susie
A- Susie again
B-I can’t shake it…is going to be and with YOU always trying to sneak in with that Acting shit is not helping.
A-Oh- so now you don’t want to act
B-I am sick of acting…I have only been acting …I built on the side line a great family and home and friends and I want to LIVE that life…not just hang out there till the REAL thing happens
A- You think you can be happy in mediocrity
B- Maybe you were always mediocre…especially when you started building a platform..
A- You can build from a platform
B- Nothing dramatic or exciting or new
A- No- nothing like that… but you can build something stable and steady and calm and I need that in my life
B- Where are all your friends?
A- I said goodbye
A- I only want to be with people taking this trip with me….the others hurt me too much..I am not kind enough to not hit back and this fight is almost done..i hope
B- Are you alone then
A- I have a few solids…wiser calmer less drama people to be around
B- You sound super dooper boring
A- I am – I put out all the HOT FIRES and I am back at the beginning…with my two sticks and my tinder leaves and I am just waiting to see how to make this OTHER fire work…
B- Without me?
A- You were amazing…you did a great JOB played the best role and now I have to stop using you…find ME ME Because you are not me NOW…see that over there……I am heading over that hill and I want to be graceful and kind about it…I am done struggling and fighting and resisting and forcing… I am better with the people I have around me…and being in their currents and just laying back and floating….I only get upset when I pull my head up and question…but see. This is not my normal and I have to relax and see where they take me…as I am…in peace and detachment from most of my past and also my future
B- So you have no clue If this is going to work?
A- No but I have faith it will be good- whatever IT is
B- I am worried
A- I’ll write…I promise…