The kids and Steve drove off today. And with a wave of my hand I was alone in my home…with my dog and my thoughts and i was fine. Instantly fine.
I couldn’t hear their thoughts or worries and I was free…
THe sound of EMPTY.
THis is the first time I have taken a role during a holiday knowing I woudl miss it. KNowing I woudln’t;t be there…knowing I would be without the family..
THis si somethign I NEVER in my career was able to cope with…missing out …and so it is imperative that at this time I try and do things different ,,,I choose me first and not the extended fmaily…I choose my choices first and not try and fit them into my family as SSteve so often requested early in our marriage.
I was out late and he was already asleep so I woudl adjust…adjust to somethign HOME bound and in that I grew up in many ways but I lost a massive side of me…so
getting back into theater- knowing the difference what I want to do and what I don’t….just having a voice in the matter has adjusted everything.
I am a very go with the flow type of person.. I love spontaneity…but when that go with the flow means adjusting and contorting…NO MORE
I am home alone for a while…quiet. and calm becasue for the next few days this is MY house….not OUR house and sometimes a girl just needs to have a SPACE of her own…
Met with SUsan – a wrote and editor at a place in ft lauderdale called The Alchimist….AMAZING place with Waffle shaped hash browns…
I handed he my writing and while we were getting to know each other a HUGE Guanajuato scurried past our feet and into the kitchen…it was captured and brought outside by a customer dressing in a pin up style with tattoos and glasses…
I asked her how she was able to grab a massive aguana so gracefully and she told me he happens to work at the nature reserve and this was small compared to what she normally deals with..
Seeing a beautiful pretty woman capture an animal like that when no other person let alone man in the place was able to do it was beautiful…
Times are changing…or at least i am seeing things very very differently.