if i am your friend…if i let you take a seat at my internal caldron…it is forever …unless it isn’t. Knowing oneself has been my last decades goal but has been a part of my experience of life since I read Richard S. Bach’s Johnathan Livingston seagull.
Time is not linear and it is frayed an..d it has at times a shelf life. Lifetimes of friendships can end. I have many loses in this arena. Women change roles so often in life it doesn’t seem off that friendships with women do too.
The year of quarantine has left me with many more deep connections and many less shallow ones.
one less today.
it has been dwindling for a couple of years…hit the wall but i refused to fully feel it. I adore her in what i believed her to be and want and know of me but in recent years…i feel i have become nothing but a place for her to place her anger on life’s injustices.but she has been a great dear friend of mine. In many ways and for amny years but our roads are crossing to closley or perhaps not close at all. regardless…i make space
i say nothing with love and only not thinking…from her eyes and it is responded to towards me with nothing -for us to gain from just pain and accusations and labels… there are waves i am in the current of and no matter…i am not the wave the viewer sees not but what it sees. I am one the wave and thus i am the wave and in that i crash into HER.
When someones impression of you remains the same while you try adjust around it it is because yo9u yourself can not adjust anymore..the time has come…the lifetime of the friendship has yielded her kind hand and so it is with grace and a tinge of resolution that i say goodbye- yet again and make room and space for another sister to warm my heart