It is amazing to be alive when women around the world are uniting. It is something I have been yearning for – the female connection. It is a beautiful thing and being part of the Women’s March on the 21st of January was so loving…or was it?
The concept of LOVE is being thrown around like a frisbee. We use it all day long and wear hearts on our clothing, even put it in our logos. The word has become watered down and the concept has, from what I am seeing, become very conditional.
We love you as long as….
My father, may he rest in peace, mentioned this to me once. I said I LOVE YOU and he said, “Ahh, you say that to everyone. How do I know you really do?”
Great question and an even more important question is are there levels of LOVE? Can we say I KIND of love you the way we can say I kind of trust you? I don’t believe so, and this conclusion is from testing, through an empirical process, the concept of changing character. You can’t KIND of be something. Well, you can in a way, but you aren’t fully committed. And if you aren’t committed, then you aren’t really anything.
So here I am at a rally, and I am taking photos of the people and the posters and the ones that make me laugh have sayings like “Dump on Trump” and “Love Trumps Hate” and “Tiny Fingers”, etc.
I post my Facebook feed with a message “ A day of LOVE.”
It took me three days to see the hypocrisy.
Posting pictures of name calling and calling it love. I removed the images and started thinking.
How do I claim I am love?
Yes, I may be hurt in the short game, but the long game is NOT to be the victim of other people. From my experience a scorned victim that is charged on the pain of a victimizer can end up victimizing another person regardless of their justification. As you can see, we can justify anything.
So why not justify LOVE? True UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
If we have grown or evolved fully, then we know this: There are more than two paths to a solution and there is always two sides to a story. In fact, I would venture to say from my work that there is a variable of about 360 degrees because to see a three-dimensional person or concept is to walk around it and understand it fully. However, that takes time and time is a commodity in our current society.
True love is not hate. True love is understanding. Strength is not vengeance. Strength is grace. This is a time to show how understanding and graceful we can be at such a chaotic time.
We have played the victim card for decades and yes, it woke us up and moved us, but we can’t run on sparks of hate or inequality and expect to build stable footing for our children.
You don’t venture forward in your family and leave unhealed missteps unattended to without awareness that your children will carry the load. Emotions are in our blood and our blood is passed down and that is on us.
So may I just say that I believe that fear and anger – all be it good wake up calls – are not the emotions to which we should hitch our unified movement.
May I suggest considering another direction – another option: instead of fighting, let us work toward building our own better futures. Stop and look at our own homes and our own neighborhoods and make clear and decisive choices to LOVE and in that loving build trust and community. If we all do that – if all the women that marched on the 21st spend their energy actively loving all those in their community and beyond, past pains will begin to heal. We must release the villains from their roles and take responsibility for keeping them there longer than kindness allows. By releasing villains from their roles, we can begin to release our anger and begin to heal our nation.
I am going to take a lesson from Ann Frank who believed that people are fundamentally good. This starts for me by asking all those I have claimed to have done me wrong to forgive me. Forgive me for sending you mean thoughts and saying your name in vain and for disrespecting you and hating you.
I take responsibility for whatever “happened” to me. I don’t kind of take responsibility. I don’t splice up how much. I fully take responsibility for “wrongs” done to me because that is the only way to move forward holding enough energy to make FULL change to move forward in love.
A victim is never free if they continue to take action from the role or position of victim. A victor position however can indeed heal the world. So perhaps we can look at the march on the 21st as our victory and the women as the victors. We were able to respond to loss by uniting and if we can turn our views forward – not backwards on what we lost – but rather forward on what we gained by uniting, then I see a great future.
These next few years can go many ways and to worry about what may happen will waist a great deal of our time and to respond to every whim will waste our great talents.
May I suggest we swallow our pride and move forward in LOVE, true love. Heal your own family and then help heal others. Only through love and grace can we become a great nation that will remember 2017 as a time of unity among women – a unity that prospered through universal, unconditional love.
And so, I leave you with the Indonesia prayer that has literally healed the mentally ill. I ask that we consider praying this over ourselves and over those who have caused us pain in order to help us all fully heal:
Ho’op onopono (insert person’s name that is causing you pain). Please forgive me, I am sorry, I love you, thank you.
We must stop the cycle of anger and pain. We must not play the victim or the victimizer because either role is toxic. It is only through releasing these roles that we will discover new, innovative and productive ways to improve our current political climate and heal our nation.
May we ride the light and accept laughter as reason enough to dance.