Tag: susie k taylor

Kitchen

Hello…Content

Hello Content-

It feels like getting a massage but a soft tissue one where Nothing feels like it is happening.

That is what CONTENT- feel like…and FLOW is that with a soft wind at my back…

It is a flow state and it is hard to manage IF you don’t respect it. Honor it…

It has taken me a while to simply enjoy the GO WITH THE FLOW but this past summer I became aware of what it feels like, who challenges it in my life and what I do to Sabotage it and why.

Let me walk through it using the SURF process
Four steps that are taken if desired softly.

S- I am in flow- the world is providing me with everything I need at every moment
U- I understand that being micro managed in other peoples homes is tough and makes me want to have my OWN vacation home- something to grab onto-
A fellow actor offers me a role in a film he is doing about an unhappy wife who brow beats her husband and I take it without a thought. Jump at it- FAST and WITHOUT CONSIDERATION…a high comes over me and a feeling of aggression towards anything that is FLOW or building or helping comes over me..I instantly have NO patience for being KIND and I get angry and sad…
R- I think about the feeling and walk around it and quiet it…and then the guy in the film backs out and I slowly think about it and back out as well and then this cool peaceful feeling—saying NOT to acting like a jerk in someone else’s story.
F- THe wind is bare able again and I smile at my mom and my husband and my family and I am content…

Kitchen

Hello SHARKS

Dear Mr. Wonderful

I never got to thank you. I am not sure if you even remember me. I was standing in front of you back in 2013 pitching my idea for bibbitec bibs and you told me to “take it behind the barn and shoot it!”

Thank you for two things-
FIrst because when I started laughing hysterical you clapped your hands together and reminded me “This is serious!”
What happened next was that my actor sensibilities kicked in and then I began to cry. We call it NEW CHOICE in the acting world.

My pitch became very emotional at that point and I think that is actually why our episode even aired to begin with no to mention the dozens of times since. Thank you!

Second: You were right. I think what I couldn’t get past was that I was mushing a whole bunch of things together. I was trying to be taken seriously as a person and so I wanted the product to be that way when indeed it could have been much more simple. The embroidery and the stitching which is what drove the cost up and the most complicated aspect of the bib was not a necessity. It did not help the kids stay clean and I could have see the bib as the functional tool it was and kept it all in that arena.

I am going to try and take your advice in my way. Drop the product down to simplicity, cut the cost in my way without cutting the quality that makes the bib WORK and I am going to give it one more go in my own way.

I adore you- I think you are wonderful. I know you play the “mean” guy and I understand why resistance is important in drama but under it all I adored you.

Last time I saw you I was walking by you in a bathing suit while you were on a call on the Beach and I didn’t recognize you at all. My freind did- She said- Isn’t that Mr. Wonderful and as I turned and saw you I said…why YES….Yes it is….

Love Susie

Dear Daymond…

Remember when you asked me to step forward alone. Leaving Steve e behind me? Remember you said you would only be dealing with one of us and I was the one you were going to be dealing with? Remember you asked me HOW MUCH? How much more I was going to put in. At the time. At that moment in time I was freaking out.

I felt like perhaps I would get a deal if I mentioned the right thing. If I said EVERYTHING..It in-fact me being on Shark Tank wasn’t my end goal ass an angry mother who bought crap products and wanted to prove to parents they were making them on purpose…if that wasn’t my goal..I would have said…Whatever I NEED TO..but the point was.. I was already DONE. I had achieved the goal and getting you involved along with the whole FAMILY wasn’t going to work out.

The reason was I wasn’t in control at all. I had no ability to hold my voice and my desire to work with people was part of my desire to be liked and loved not deserted and well I can go on and on…

But the point is that you have taught me so much. I have watched several of you conversations and read books you Recomended and even your own story of trying three times inspires me..

I am now at this point where I have the patent for a few more years. I have awareness of self and I am not using this product to prove how valuable I am And I am over wanting to NOT be deserted..

I have worked through so much of my issues that I think I can step up again and say..whatever I need to do…without causing me stress. That is what I am willing to give.

I adore you Daymond and will always be grateful to you.

Dearest Barbara-

I am not sure if you remember what you said to me and I kind of hope you don’t. It was pretty aggressive and harsh..even if it had a bit of truth in it. It was not what I thought you and I would discuss..and how it would go down.

Basically you told me I was a poor excise for a woman…in not so many ways and although it never made it past the cutting room floor I have to say it was a really aggressive comment.

I know it was TV and I know you were doing your job but I was, no my insecure child ego was really thrown by that.

I know you are a tough business woman and I respect all you have done but my approach is different, I am not fierce in the ways you are and well..I wanted to say that as the only woman on the panel that day I thought you would have had my back-

But looking BACK i guess you too were playing your role and in the end you said I could sell it through a network of MOMs which I found interesting seeing that you just insulted my MOMMINESS-

Anyway… I wanted to just saw that is was pretty sever the way you spoke it to me and how you insulted my personage and I knew and know it is only for TV and such but I was really there. I wasn’t acting…that much…;) I was trying to be sincere and in that moment being insulted by a woman hurt the most…because in the end we know where the tendon to the jugular is and we go there.

Anyway I am pretty sure you can’t recall this but it has and was a eye opened get to me…Men in my life have never gotten to me as much as the women have…and that is something ..

S

Dear Cuban,

First of all you are the only one that didn’t say anything mean to me except that I wasn’t the one to run the company. I was too emotional maybe..yeah…I was. I couldn’t separate business from my self value and I was way to concerned about trying to keep the concept I had..

It was kind of you to agree with me…tell me that selling directly to customers online for the price I was asking was fine.

Since the back end in the past several years has gotten even more stream lined I am going to go back to doing the company like you said. Considering once we left my partners took me to trade shows convinced we should hit the stores..I lost interested and let my interest wain and now a few years later – it is JUST me myself and I –

I have no emotion connected to this project..perhaps a diluted sense of passion mixed with purpose mixed with flow…

I am going to try again at this little simple Idea. I am going to play with it…from the position I think you seem to take. WHY NOT. And a smile that seem to brighten up the whole world.

Thank you for that faith you had in my vision. And even though you pointed to me and told me NOT YOU I am happy to say that the person you pointed at has grown up in these past few years and I think….we…YES ME.

Xo susie

Dear Robert,

I am just adding you into this series because in the end you said you were scared of my husband suing you. I agree he is a tough and will defended his wife at any cost….
Smart move!

S

Kitchen

Letting go of…Target

This happened almost a decade ago. It is what started me on the desire to make a baby product that lasted. It also taught me that most of the time I spent shopping was really jus me cleaning my mind while I was home with the little boys. I ended up purchasing pretty little things to justify my time away… eventually I had to detox from that too.
I even went once to Target and filled up a cart with everything I “needed” and then left it. Walked out without buying anything….It felt amazing…

I realized that I just needed the IDEA of the things, the options, the alternatives…I didn’t actually NEED NEED them.

I also don’t really enjoy shopping there even now becasue while I was on the floor at a trade show in Vegas one of the BIG BOX stores walked over. A large round man and asked me to pitch them bibbitec. The more I told them about how long it lasted and how many things it did the more this man laughed. Like a huge belly laugh…very SANTA like.
It eventually gathered himself and told me straight to my face.
“Bibs are bait! That’s how we get the moms in…they can’t last longer then two weeks, three weeks at most.” And he walked away turned over his shoulder and said, “ build it to last less and you got a deal.” I was totally shocked and that night my sister received an order for our bibs from TARGET. The Purchase price was way below the price I quoted and thus the point of it was that it would force me to go over seas and make a less product. I remember being in the hotel bathroom looking at the mirror…crying hysterical…” why didn’t they like me?” “ I fixed the problem” and then it accured to me that they didn’t want the problem fixed and that is why they sent over an order for a ton of money but ONLY if I made it on the Cheap.
I was with my sister and she shook me and said remember you made this to fix the problem…so we can’t take this offer. Then she took me to Chipendales and I was pulled up on stage tied to a pole and in that erotica moment I woke up to the whole entire GAME we are all participating in.

Women are being played …. and we like it!

While I was filming Shark Tank I had a copy of that order with me to remind me not to FOLD not to make a crap product that forces moms to buy more…spend more…wonder why things aren’t made well? I refused to be part of that conversation…I respect woman and the men that support them and this idea that women purchase just proves that if we wanted to we could change the world…by not purchasing!

Xo
S

Kitchen

The original idea of bibbitec

Way back it the day I used to say that bibbitec was MORE than a bib but as we got to market it was hard to explain. So we found the bib niche and stayed there.
I also wished I could print of the fabric- pictures that were inspiring..artists I loved or something that would make the baby and the person feeding them smile.
I keep thinking about this and I think I am going to grab the bibs that I had cut and see about printing on them- then return to Etsy. I won’t sew them or label them and they can work as a bunch of things. I feel a SHMATA which one woman called it (while I was trying to sell it on the porch of a paper store one of my investors wife had…)

Also yesterday I went to see Dear Even Hanson with my mom. They had a bunch of social media images at the start of the play and one of them was the hallway into SHARK TANK..and the day before we watched a movie where a freind of mine pretended his name was SHARK TANK..THese are little signs I am moving slowly toward without desperation.

I am also very much enjoying writing a daily blog about my journey to whatever this will be.

Kitchen

Hello…ETSY

Yesterday I posted the latest simplified version of the bibbitec for sale on EtSY. Just me and a woman who cuts and sews and Etsy. I want to see if timing makes a difference in business. https://www.etsy.com/search?q=bibbitecETSY SHOP

I am going to take orders and then build them out I am also NOT going to use social media but rather the universe to push the idea. I want to see if the wind behind my back is a thing. I also heard right before I went to sleep that Shark Tank aired our episode again for the “millionth” time.

So now to sit to see is someone who has recently had a bay find the bib on ETSY!

Game ON!

Kitchen

Hello NYC

Upon landing in the city yesterday it occurred to me that this was ME the REAL ME returning to the city I loved. I left my LARGER WINDOWED WALL studio apartment in 1999 to go home to Miami for thanksgiving which morphed into a boob job which morphed into hesitation upon returning which morphed into working in a few PAID plays in Miami, which morphed into gettin engaged to an old flame, then married and Allon little slow detachments…

And that’s how I left NYC…it kind of happened…I never REALLY ever went back…I subleted out my LARGE WINDOWED WALL studio rent stabilized apartment on 15th and 3rd and rented a one bedroom balcony apartment in MIami Beach…It happened like that…Steve preferred Miami and looking back I have to say the idea of returning to NYC to continue my acting with my new boob additions felt like Pig in lipstick but HOT.:)

NYC to me meant authenticity.where serious actors go….. Miami was FAKE and silly and now I was FAKE..and becoming silly .so I kind of felt more at home in my Home town of 305.

So yesterday when I landed it was the first time since 1999 ( sans implants) that I had been in the CIty without my Implants and to those who have never had them – it meant that my heart was a little closer to the air-the smell- the city and we were beating in unison… and the felling is of being HOME HERE…within myself..reclaiming inch by inch my self.

Letting go of NYC was not easy but my life in Miami was. It it warm and exciting and green and sun filled and sand paved.

Mistakes make us who we are…and help us us appreciate who we aren’t

Kitchen

Letting go …of Botox

I tried Botox a few years ago. It was great all my lines disappeared and my age went down at least five maybe even ten years. It was amazing…the first time when it went well but the constant returning to the Dr’s office became a drag.

“ THose lines must be driving you crazy” She comes toward me with a vile of relief and the movement of this repetitive action begins to scrape at my internal chord. My chord that was growing stronger..or wanted to. THe desire to know myself.

I decided to try and see what life was like without it…it sucked I grew ten years older over night and felt the power of my prowess dissolve. I expected the frequency of the Male Gaze to drop but it was the female smirks I was now receiving.

Lines on anyone’s forehead are starting to drive people crazy it seems and trying to communicate with loved ones whose expressions were limited was beginning to bother me.

I have chose to explore the road… as best I can… without FAKE things in me. Without limiting my movement and without disgracing my experiences. I am ok- I can’t say I am fully at FLOW with it- but I believe it is the aging process more than anything.

I google reasons not to do it just to keep me centered in the journey but it is harder than I imagined. Becoming OLD in Miami at a day and time when youth and the young hold the power.

I suppose it is part of letting go of a power that perhaps wasn’t mine to begin with because in the end your can’t loose what was never yours.

S

Kitchen

Letting go of … FACEBOOK

About 3 months ago I realized I was very much ONLINE and into facebook!

Then Listened to Zuckerberg during his deposition.

He kept saying, “ I’m sorry “

I decided I didn’t want to be involved in whatever it was he was sorry for.

MId in April 2017 -I went off cold turkey from

Off Facebook
all social media- eventually removed the vlogs I had posted throughout the year and sat still.

The first few days were hard. I didn’t know what to do with my hands or my thoughts. I was just walking in circles suffering from a post social media dayz.

I was reprogramming in a way- a desire to be heard and seen were now being projected back onto be. It was on me…my choice ….to find something that I wanted to fill my mind with. and do and not just sit idly by waiting for information to inspire me to take action.

I also went off news and began to disconnect from all the information I had filled myself with. I journeyed sans audience and sans applause.
It was very lonely in a way- disconnected in a way.

FRom this lonely stillness I began to move slowly and softly and have recently found myself in a little tribe I never knew about and doing movement I never dreamed of.

As a movement person this injects obvious bliss..removed of all outside attraction I go inside and find myself outside again.

S

Kitchen

Letting go of … PERFORMING

Me Myself and I
I studied acting in school since I was in 5th grade. I loved it. Learning how to become another person was fascinating to me and I became an expert at it.

The reason I am not going to “perform” ever again is that it is based on lying and deception. A tool that has allowed me to grow OFF my center. Off my Authentic point.

Learning to become another person to the best of your abilities is freeing as it allows you to look back on your OWN character with new perspective. THe issue is when you PLAY the CHaracter so long that you have forgotten which is the real YOU- the real authentic self.

Charge is powerful- wether it comes from applause or likes or money- It helps you feel like you are alive. THe problem is that sometimes that charge is plugged into the wrong outlet – not LOVE – but rather PAIN- FEAR- SEX- and you are simply creating a FALSE version of yourself.

The healing art of acting -when used to let go of characters rather than add characters is a beautiful tool for me- a process I enjoy sharing with people who desire to KNOW THEMSLEVES FULLY AS WELL.

Kitchen

Letting go … about the S.U.R.F. Process

THe story -the way we connect to ourselves, to each other, to our past and to our future seems like the logical place to start when you want to let go of pain in your life. G0 to the point of entry.

But GO as An actor Goes towards a role. With a notebook and curiosity and lots of respect and love for the story. If you judge it the story will go fuzzy.

I love using music and movement and it has been how I healed ALL my pain. I am not angry or angst UNLESS something enters into my immediate life and it is not for me- THEN I get angry and angst and I address that STORY ASAP. BUT there are no layers involved usually- it is just a toxin that came in and because my air is clean I feel it and it bothers me…and I try and get it out ASAP.

This process came to me through my own personal experiences and yesterday I was pointed in the direction of narrative Psycology and from what I read this is the umbrella of what I came to realize and explore in my SURF MEthod.

As an actor trained to hold story to access emotion I eventually found this troubling when my own father past away and I was holding the pain and the injury and counldn’t understand why I wasn’t letting go.

What was revealed to me was that I was trained to use pain as motivation. Anger as inspiration and I believe now that our society has absorbed this training in our content and as a society are being programmed through our PROGRAMS to do the same.

Subconsciencly i couldn’t let go of the pain because my internal actor was harboring it in her tool kit. I finally found this story within myself and kindly and softly sat down with HER and said. Listen…even if we never act again you can’t carry this pain with you my love, you Won’t make it. She released that was a truth and though my SURF movement process slowly and thus the idea of relief set in.

I learned through this idea personally and by training others that empathetic acting is much more interesting but the only way to insure you aren’t hurting yourself and others by “USING IT” ( a line in acting to tap into your pain and use it for your role) is to know you have cleaned your plate of all the HYPER CHARGE STORIES you have..

LEtting go of anything that you hold as a version of WHO YOU ARE is what this is about and many people do not SEPERATE the STORY from theirselves. If feels like a death, a MELTING away and even having been doing it for years it never gets easier but the process goes faster and the relief lasts longer.

Last night I followed a sign and went to a movement studio in MIami called the Republic of Movement and as we began the first game A smile crossed my face…I found a gold nugget that is in the movement itself kind and not demanding and honest and not forced. Exactly what I have internally found within myself.

MY question was- How do you move from GRACE…well last night I found out…Beautifully and Slowly.