Tag: home

Kitchen

Home …with boys

I am a mother and wife and I have three boys plus a male dog in my house. And all i want really is the scense of flow-

My freinds and some family in the Latin side of my life claim time is limited…the family on the Jewish side is a more go and be free mentality and time…is not limited..or limiting..

But i feel AT times that these differences in culture slice thorugh me…compromise me and confuse me.

I don’t want to be a mother hen watching over and taking temp- I rather they cook for me and clean their rooms and wonder if I can do one thing for them and NOT WONDER why I don’t do everything…

I am not sure how others move but I won’t clean your kitchen in a thousand years and yet that is what I pretended to do for Steve…when we met and I set the stage the conversation and ever since I have been dragged into an amazing life….more than what I expected..a free dove surrounded by constant love and at peace in my little piece of Miami.

Kitchen

Not…Acting

I received the email for the rehearsal of a film that a freind asked me to do. I began to become both excited and then angry. This part of me that doesn’t want to pretend anymore started screaming and I began to act out. I got annoyed with Steve with my mom with the whole world instantly and even ruined a nice dinner by being sad. It wasn’t until I was coming home from he day in the city with my mom that I then got an email that my freind was baking out of the film.

I immediately began to consider ding the same and as soon as I sent the email saying thank you but no thank you a rush of NOT HAVING TO a relief washed over me.

I don’t think I am able to really understand how much I do not want to do something until the idea of NOT doing it comes into play. It was the same with Steve and I. I mentioned this before.

THis part of recasting is a series of instant helloboodbyes. They are about about trying and eyeing how things fit and then not making too much of a commitment and then letting go at the first opportunity. It I then feel like retuning to it…well then…it is from a place of peace and not HAVE TO but rather “Would like to” and not SHould cause I can but may because it woudl be NICE.

Moving from a place of peace is amazing and the toxity of doing something I don’t want to do feel like plugging my finger in a socket and yet…I am seeing I tend to stay there a minute or two just to see if I COULD and WOULD becasue I haven’t fully transitioned into OIGN this book which in a sense is ALL about me and not anyone else…which is the practice I am trying to do. Understanding my OWN self…more.

Kitchen

Hello NYC

Upon landing in the city yesterday it occurred to me that this was ME the REAL ME returning to the city I loved. I left my LARGER WINDOWED WALL studio apartment in 1999 to go home to Miami for thanksgiving which morphed into a boob job which morphed into hesitation upon returning which morphed into working in a few PAID plays in Miami, which morphed into gettin engaged to an old flame, then married and All thesew  little slow detachments…

And that’s how I left NYC…it kind of happened…I never REALLY ever went back…I subleted out my LARGE WINDOWED WALL studio rent stabilized apartment on 15th and 3rd and rented a one bedroom balcony apartment in MIami Beach…It happened like that…Steve preferred Miami and looking back I have to say the idea of returning to NYC to continue my acting with my new boob additions felt like Pig in lipstick but HOT.:)

NYC to me meant authenticity.where serious actors go….. Miami was FAKE and silly and now I was FAKE..and becoming silly .so I kind of felt more at home in my Home town of 305.

So yesterday when I landed it was the first time since 1999 ( sans implants) that I had been in the CIty without my Implants and to those who have never had them – it meant that my heart was a little closer to the air-the smell- the city and we were beating in unison… and the felling is of being HOME HERE…within myself..reclaiming inch by inch my self.

Letting go of NYC was not easy but my life in Miami was. It it warm and exciting and green and sun filled and sand paved.

Mistakes make us who we are…and help us us appreciate who we aren’t