Tag: Forgiveness

Kitchen

Acting Enough-

The other day I went cra cra bc Steve thought a yoga certification would be good for me…I went CRAZY-

The why–that usually comes weeks later…the why is because THIS ME- doesn’t want a safety net-

I have followed WISE advise like this…from the start- from my 20s…got my fitness certification as soon as I arrived in New York to help me be an actor…then I got a gig at a bar as a cigar girl as a cocktail waitress…personal trainer…to help me be an actor and then I temped and then pole dancing teacher then event coordinator and then bibbitec inventor and then mom and then teacher AGAIN and then and then…ALL of these…so I could ACT. Because as we are told…ACTING won’t pay the bills or rather acting isn’t ENOUGH.

Funny thing is though…as a scientist who usually tests ideas out…I bought this SAFETY NET one hook line and sinker…and at this moment in time..-the yoga certification moment- when the idea of splicing myself yet again was suggested the true part of me I have recently reintroduced as my captain..my younger self…my authentic self…who I have fired to rule my direction aggressively went after the YOGA concept and chopped it up into pieces then ate it then pooped it out then loved it then said ” we can go that way but I choose NOT TO!”…I choose to stay the course with acting THIS TIME…this pause in acting work is not a pause it is a RECOVERY till my next ACTING job…and here is what happened since ..I fully committed myself to it for perhaps the first time in ever….

I was cast twice in two plays that with dove tail each other. I was recruited into a sketch comedy crew…I united some goddess woman who will be brining my one woman show to Edinburgh -I shot a commercial- I was requested twice for films I can’t do- I was offered to be part of a healing retreat for actors. and you see. in this experiment, I proved this….

Acting is enough…if you let it be…and my loves so are you…if you allow it….if you love it fully from every angle.

MIND the pauses…bc pause…that happens after shows and gigs is when the rational mind…aka Steve…suggests something stable…something more in line with the NORM…something to elevate the pain of coming off of things…of letting go..a buffer…I have learned to honor that time- play reconnect and reset….

SIDE NOTE: all the things I did to allow me to ACT actually informed me and made me the actor I am today -so I guess in the end…timing…my dear loves…TIMING is everything!
BUT one must remember when the need for an assist is gone and the time to break through is upon you. When you authentic self is done practicing and ready to MAKE IT!

I LOVE YOU…all of you….even if I never met you even if we don’t get along…regardless. We are united in love and that part of us is universally and forever in love with each other.

S

Susie K Taylor.
Photo credit
Alisa Rauner Photography

SURFing Process

F$%K … Recasting

In my process of getting out of character (SURF) the hardest part for ME is recasting. It is the point where I know what I am doing is perpetuating pain and I have to change but the question is what and how and where and when.
And i am not moving…not doing my class…no studio…just tried to get time at little Haiti and one door was locked- one was taken and the theater was setting lights as i heard the sound and knew there was someone in the light booth..

Where is ALONE….

Today i realized that

I have wanted my own artistic VOice for a long while and I have it and it is so strong that it isn’t letting me work with anyone or any company or any message that isn’t on the same path.
THUS it has become clear that it is…
dibiulitaing to me NOT to have my own company…

Knowing what I can’t do without causing me pain pushing me into a corner of the ONE and ONLY thing I Can do.

Officially establish my company
My PLACE to do MY work and work with like minded creative that are in line with ME…

Artist that are here to spread LOVE
Not pain
Artist that are healed or demand to try and be
Artist that let go and move on and forgive
Artist that take responsibility
Artist that have empathy
Strong ALPHA voices that have vision and alphaness
People who can hold me

I am heading to the graphic designer to create the SURF logo
So i can take my freind up on talking at the chamber and introduce officially to the city my company. My Artistic Company

I can set a date for the next show and how stories are our passions…seeing the story you are in and choosing to shift what is needed form your position and with those you live with so that you can have a better version of your story…pas-present and future.

Transforming through performance…

So my a issue in my tissue is that i am an amazing pleaser and I have to stop activating that becasue it is not aligned…I am pleasing others before myself and that is never a good thing. I can’t do it anymore and this last part – the accommodating – I have no time for that-

This is the year of pleasing Susie…If it pleases me…

Now I must lift weights and strengthen my core-

solidification

RECASTING AS
A strong older woman with wrinkles and a voice!
Cue the kitchen walls as they fall open like a house of cards and the world is revealed and I am free- Flowing and forgiven.

List
Logo for SURF
Trademark name
Class and process
Venue for Edenbourgh

S

Kitchen

Acting….the mind of us and disassociative identity disorder

I just heard about Dissociate identity disorder and it reminds me of what method actors like myself deal with…

If people can develope DID from trauma ( during thier early years) that is repetitive then by accessing personal trauma to create a role and then repeating it in a play or movie you can also build an ALTER ego…which is hard to get rid of…and most don’t even try to or are aware of it.

When the ALTER CHARACTER for an actor is created by tapping into thier personal memory or traumas the ALTER will blend with YOU- intertwine…

If you have found peace with your traumas of your past and used forgiveness and asked them to forgive you and truly released the charge then…the ALTER/CHARACTER you create while you act is not meshed with your personal trauma and you can indeed get out of character when you finish the job if you allow yourself the time for rehabilitation.

If you don’t rehab- your fluid memory skills might absorb the characters taurma as yours…for example..think of a person who had a knee injury and after time is was healed but the person still limped..this is bc the mind hasan;t really been retrained to know the injury doesn’t need to be protected-

Also each trauma is an ego and egos don’t willingly die and the only way to RELEASE them- i have found- is with soft kind uncharged love..the least amount of energy needed will indeed release the trauma- becasue if you aggressively go in… you will have that trauma aggressively dig in or return in some sort of Trigger.

Thus my Method…S.U.R.F. Was created…a movement therapy like process that involves a performace aspect that releases the EGO through unconscious movement lead PERHAPS my our outhnic healed self..

I wish someone who worked with Dissociative identity disorder would talk with me and what I have learned about myself and other actors who use their pain for their art.

Two fold- they hurt themselves and others as they project pain into the content and thus isn’t the threads that weave our society

I feel training actors in the nearly 100 year old methods is out of date…it is brutal and it is abusive..

Acting coaches and instructors and mentors and managers and agents should be healthy and hold no anger so they can guide artist from a state of love and allow them to live a healthy life as an artist.

Kitchen

HEY OLD SELF.

I finally got around to watching Tully. IT reminded me of a sketch I wrote and filmed about four years ago. It was such a special moment in my life and I worked with such a special women. Unforntualy I wasn’t able to keep her close and we have since separated but maybe that is the truth…you can’t keep all of you when you are evolving…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YDqZljVP86sA ROOM OF MY OWN.

Here is the full script…FULL SCRIPT READ ALONGI loved this time of my life- right before I entered back into acting and now…as I exit…the process begins again…I think IT IS TIME I write a new skit…where the older susie in this story meets up with me.

I MISS MY OLDER SUSIE——

Kitchen

Hello …Hoʻoponopono

The prayer of Ho’oponopono is as I learned it to let go of the TIDES the generational pain you carry so as to not transfer them to the next one. IT is based on the idea of the lineage of emotional pain.

You say the name of the person that you have an “issue with” ( past or present
Then say
Please forgive me
I am sorry
I love you
Thank you

You will find that it is difficult for you to do for certain people and those are the people you need to keep saying this to until you don’t have difficulty doing it.

For me it was like I was slowly releaseing myself from a rope that was tied around my neck and with each repatriation over time it was a thread that broke until I was free and so was the person I did the prayer for…

THe prayer is Hawaiian and it was given to me by a Reike teacher who told me to say it for the people I claim have hurt me. At the time the list was long. I was late 30ths and I had a colorful life and in it there were missteps but the thing about this prayer, for lack of a better word is that it changed the villain from them to me…it gave me a sense of responsibility in the relationship becasue for one reason or another I was still holding onto it in a negative way. IT needed a correction if I wanted to be set free and who better to set yourself free than your own self.

It was about ME asking for forgiveness of the “people who wronged me” and in that I slowly began to realize that I had created extended pain and stress in my body by holding others in their characters—-their roles in my life. My negative thoughts had warm homes becasue I gave them that place in my body. I allowed them there..THis was a wonderful key that unlocked my own ability to negotiate my thought process and since then…I try to immediately release negative thoughts and then use that grace toward my own desires or destiny…

This energy we have is strong and when you speak ill of someone you can indeed maintain the “pull” that story you are telling yourself has on you.

The wild thing i learned from this experience was that I am NOT my stories or my experiences…I can let them go through forgiveness and movement and in the end I find that I am what I think about…who I see and how I do what I do.

My stories are justification…beliefs that only mean as much as we lean on them

Look at your life, your daily habits- you are all those thoughts and those things…

if you are thinking nastly thoughts about others and yourself…then you are a dare I say nasty person… becasue I have come to learn that being kind means… you can address those thoughts in your own head..and heart…and spend time trying to see the situation from as many angles as [possible so that YOUR point of view is just ONE of them and not the only one.)

Then you begin to dilute your Nasty thoughts and ask them kindly to leave becasue as long as you have them… you are them…

I know this becasue I have spent the last 5 years walking though my life and although I am not freinds with everyone in my life..i hold no ill will to anyone…no matter what happened between us and I have asked forgiveness if not personally then spiritually as often as I can until I feel I let them go or vis a versa… becasue Karma is a boomerang and unless you let people go from what they “did” to you” you will hurt them …maybe more that they ever hurt you and then WHO is the VIllian?

Be sweet because you can…and the world need that now…don’t be nasty or mean or sarcastic…becasue it is overplayed…

Be the one that is ok and if you can’t be OK then go and work on trying to be…one relationship at a time.

Xo
S

Kitchen

Letting go …of Botox

I tried Botox a few years ago. It was great all my lines disappeared and my age went down at least five maybe even ten years. It was amazing…the first time when it went well but the constant returning to the Dr’s office became a drag.

“ THose lines must be driving you crazy” She comes toward me with a vile of relief and the movement of this repetitive action begins to scrape at my internal chord. My chord that was growing stronger..or wanted to. THe desire to know myself.

I decided to try and see what life was like without it…it sucked I grew ten years older over night and felt the power of my prowess dissolve. I expected the frequency of the Male Gaze to drop but it was the female smirks I was now receiving.

Lines on anyone’s forehead are starting to drive people crazy it seems and trying to communicate with loved ones whose expressions were limited was beginning to bother me.

I have chose to explore the road… as best I can… without FAKE things in me. Without limiting my movement and without disgracing my experiences. I am ok- I can’t say I am fully at FLOW with it- but I believe it is the aging process more than anything.

I google reasons not to do it just to keep me centered in the journey but it is harder than I imagined. Becoming OLD in Miami at a day and time when youth and the young hold the power.

I suppose it is part of letting go of a power that perhaps wasn’t mine to begin with because in the end your can’t loose what was never yours.

S