Tag: acting

Kitchen

Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2019- and Jewbana

I arrived here with my family on the 5th of August. we picked up Nedra at the hotel she stayed the night in ( she arrived a day early) and we then drove on the opposite side of the road to our home..away from home and yet…it feels so much like home so quickly.

We rented an air b and b in Tranent…about a 25 min ride outside of Edinburgh. it is a home it is comfy it has a great kitchen and lots of rooms and bathrooms and the town is adorable and not too old town…very modern and hip.

We rehearsed int the house on the 6th and the 7th…about 10 hours in total. getting Nedra and I up to speed on where the show was. Nedra grabbed what we had done in Miami and with the song addition of IF YOU KNEW SUSIE and added in the burlesque moves for the transitions which was where the show kept falling flat.

I found my lines ( mostly;) We have changed the script so many times and I have added in so many that it was a bit hard to add int he new parts for heather and JIM. ( not his real name)

then on the 8th we had a tech rehearsal but we had to get the theater s few copies of the script. We had a little bit of an issue with this and I was getting on edge and then Nedra asked for coffee while we were late and that kind of book ethe camels back and we got into a fight.

It lasted only a few minutes and the work pulled us past ourselves.

She did an amazing job and Steve ended up buying her a coffee and just being a total gem.

then Steve took over the flying and postering lead. He met with Nick at the SPACE and got a game plan. He then picked us up and we went home and got the boys and then got ready for the show that night.

They flyer for 2 hours and I had 5 people the first night and 15 the second ( around that) and then tonight I had three.

they reduced the flying to 1 hour before the show but…We shall see.

Yesterday we actually had a photo shoot from 12-2. in the church and the theater lobby at the space. WE got kicked ut of the theater and then had some great photos taken by a photographer my press agent got me.

He was talented and I suspect the shots will be very good – egg inferno too Jesus…Heather a the alter in Roller blades and Jim in a guy outfit as well as Nedra and I at the space in the lobby and me in the outfit from the show eating the pie and stretching on the railing..

The second night the audience was amazing and kind and I was enjoying myself a lot. Tonight it was intimate and I ran the show as best I have…I have 12 more performances ..needless to say it will get better and better.

I hope the boys have the script and the technicians know how to call the show and that all goes well.

I am proud in a humbling way of the work I have done on this show. I have produced, written, stared and feel fully committed and seen and like I have left nothing on the table.

I am drenched at the end of the show. I am tired I am exhausted and it runs a good 45 minutes..it is a fun show…people in the audience smile…one guy looked at his watch but that’s something I have to accept and understand… I love my work…

Nedra is leaving tomorrow…I am sad about it…I am going to be ok…Maria is coming in a few days and then Christina and they will be super helpful…

Steve …and the boys….I could cry just thinking about it…have been so kind and loving….Jeadon was a little sad about not staying till the end of camp but them last night we talked and he was able to get over it..or maybe it was that camp ended for everyone and there is nothing to be sad about now…

They have been flying and helping and Steve…I think…there is something about this play and him helping and driving everywhere ( on the wrong side of the road) that has been so sexy and helpful and just totally affirming…

the feeling I have now is AIR…space…nothing…

I have fed a giant within me…I ma doing a one woman show and I am loving it…I am fully DOING it…all of it…and it is such a powerful freeing feeling to do…I am sure others who have done this know what I am talking about but to those that are thinking of doing it…wondering if it will really mean THAT much …change your understanding of self THAT much…well…YES…so far..yes..

I was terrified to do my first run at the soho house in their gym space while it was being refurbished and then again I was like WHAT…at the Miami Light box and now…Now I see here in Edinburgh I am ding it and it is becoming …something I do…like a gig…like a job…

I suspect we will go in early on Monday and see more plays and then from there I will be able to flyer and then into the show….althougth it has been nice staying home till about 5..

today we went to eat at a place Nedra’s friend ( who I know as well) told us about called THE ROOST. Her friends cousin owns it.

it was yummy..

Tomorrow Steve is taking Nedra to the Airport and then gig to see a famous gold course and then we are all gong to go to a hike he saw…outside of the city.

Monday I have the opportunity to perform on a stage and do a little snip of the show…I am excited about it /terrified but like not really..

Par too this is like I am going through something I have already gone through..like oh yeah..I know this…I feel it may be like this because I have been meant to do this for so long now…

Steve is smiling when he looks at me…he sees me happy and content in a massive way..

I am going to bed…It is 1:23 am

I love my life…

I love it all…..each space between the morsels of it…

xoxoxo

SUSIE

Kitchen

a year and a half without my implants….and I have almost forgotten….

who I was with them. That is another meaning of F in S.U.R.F. – I really do forget and it is a good thing…it is a wonderful skill to forget once you have processed….it is a helpful gift that working things really out OUT gives me.

Residue of past roles..exist in us…it is proving to be the reality in my new play as I tap into old stories from my new and improved point of view..there was still residue…with the other people and in this play I suspect there will be more.

Who we are…in this lifetime… changes..often…and more often if you buy a ticket….to the never-ending solor system that is within you.

I have always been self obsessed, from a Doctor point of view. I am amazed at how any person moves through this life and since I am the closest person I know., I have shifted that curiosity to myself 100%. I don’t try too hard to understand why other people do what they do…I try to understand what I am doing and why…

I have become clear and can even understand who I am when I am off center..I can say…oh…this is off center because…guess what? I have felt center every one in a while…..here and there and for longer and longer amounts of times…days and even weeks…so I know who susie Susie is…and I also know who she is in a myriad of situations…while she is off center…

Being able to know thyself is the first step to being true to her. I feel like at this age…45…I am who I am….I am kind to her even when she is mean…I am loving to her even when she is angry and I am patient with her even when she is scared…

I have become my own lover and best friend and in that I have allowed my neediness of other people’s evaluation of me to dwindle. This self awareness work make me less selfish..when I am needed or around others because I am usually so over my stuff I am happy to become involved in others…when needed.

I am myself…and tomorrow I will be an older version of her and so on and so on…I am proud fo her…and her bravery of letting go of things that gave her power…things she falsely prayed to like saline filled boobies and frozen brows…

I may falter later on in life…I may fall back to wanting to be young externally forever but eventually…and logically I realized I will have to cross over into the next wise woman phase one day and why not get a head start with a happy heart?

being older and wiser as a woman can be sexy..right?…. Sexy .in a “you wish you understood what I have viscerally learned”…way.

Kitchen

Acting Enough-

The other day I went cra cra bc Steve thought a yoga certification would be good for me…I went CRAZY-

The why–that usually comes weeks later…the why is because THIS ME- doesn’t want a safety net-

I have followed WISE advise like this…from the start- from my 20s…got my fitness certification as soon as I arrived in New York to help me be an actor…then I got a gig at a bar as a cigar girl as a cocktail waitress…personal trainer…to help me be an actor and then I temped and then pole dancing teacher then event coordinator and then bibbitec inventor and then mom and then teacher AGAIN and then and then…ALL of these…so I could ACT. Because as we are told…ACTING won’t pay the bills or rather acting isn’t ENOUGH.

Funny thing is though…as a scientist who usually tests ideas out…I bought this SAFETY NET one hook line and sinker…and at this moment in time..-the yoga certification moment- when the idea of splicing myself yet again was suggested the true part of me I have recently reintroduced as my captain..my younger self…my authentic self…who I have fired to rule my direction aggressively went after the YOGA concept and chopped it up into pieces then ate it then pooped it out then loved it then said ” we can go that way but I choose NOT TO!”…I choose to stay the course with acting THIS TIME…this pause in acting work is not a pause it is a RECOVERY till my next ACTING job…and here is what happened since ..I fully committed myself to it for perhaps the first time in ever….

I was cast twice in two plays that with dove tail each other. I was recruited into a sketch comedy crew…I united some goddess woman who will be brining my one woman show to Edinburgh -I shot a commercial- I was requested twice for films I can’t do- I was offered to be part of a healing retreat for actors. and you see. in this experiment, I proved this….

Acting is enough…if you let it be…and my loves so are you…if you allow it….if you love it fully from every angle.

MIND the pauses…bc pause…that happens after shows and gigs is when the rational mind…aka Steve…suggests something stable…something more in line with the NORM…something to elevate the pain of coming off of things…of letting go..a buffer…I have learned to honor that time- play reconnect and reset….

SIDE NOTE: all the things I did to allow me to ACT actually informed me and made me the actor I am today -so I guess in the end…timing…my dear loves…TIMING is everything!
BUT one must remember when the need for an assist is gone and the time to break through is upon you. When you authentic self is done practicing and ready to MAKE IT!

I LOVE YOU…all of you….even if I never met you even if we don’t get along…regardless. We are united in love and that part of us is universally and forever in love with each other.

S

Susie K Taylor.
Photo credit
Alisa Rauner Photography

Kitchen

The ritual of acting and why everyone should study it!

Acting…it is about saying and believing something over and over again.
It is about allowing a thought to delve into your sub conscience.

If you watch the film HEAL on Netflix one of the main ingredients in a person getting better is their belief that they are.

This imagination skill is something actors train in. They are constantly tweaking and learning how to not only get into a thought process but to let out a thought process.

Maybe the letting out isn’t as widely spoken about but I remember hearing a chat on the BROADWAY station with http://www.sethrudetsky.com Seth Rudetsky was sharing openly about how after one of his first shows was over…he got depressed. He actually talks a lot about the emotional pains/strength of acting and rejection and the setting yourself up and the letdown.

So there in this muscle that actors have developed. Like the way you tear a muscle to make it strong.. Actors have a strong Empathy muscle…they love hard and they leave hard because that is the only way you can survive in their business. The ones that don’t let go…..they leave one way or another.

It isn’t pretty…it isn’t nice. Lots of tears usually…Even nice roles that make you feel amazing have to be left…or in the end you have left yourself instead. * I have found nicer roles are easier to say goodbye to because they leave a reminder of how sweet life is.

A cousin I have has a friend in the Sponge Bob show and mentioned how his friend has never been happier in his a life.… Thoughts have power. It is proven. However… so do other people’s thoughts…give yourself 7 times seeing a mc D commercial and eventually you think you want to buy a Cheeseburger …your mind thinks this…”if I don’t believe this or want this why am I seeing hearing…thinking about it?” …your psyche doesn’t understand why you’d have these thoughts if you didn’t believe them….and that my loves is the wild part of ciphering you from them.

And back to how acting helps with this…

Some people say I play myself…but I have found that isn’t true… you play a character and you use yourself to get to that character but at some point ..if you go there…that character will start to drive your car…a little more in rehearsal each day and it is like smoke…little by little and eventually it is opening night.. and your character, you HOPE, has arrived with all the support and love you can give it… So you play the role with all you have…and eventually the show ends. the story ends…

Like any guest in your home. How do you ask them to leave? If you assume they just will…they won’t. Especially if you keep accommodating them…if you force them out…they’ll keep a key and one unsuspecting day out of vengeance or pure fancy…they’ll use that key and break in to you “home” and do some damage…HOWEVER…I have learned in life and in acting the way you say set up the VISIT and the way you say GOODBYE..is everything…If you sit with them…ask them to let you know what they need to move on…ask the for your keys….hug them…and thank them…they will exit. Then the sadness of goodbye will set in and as long as you allow this to process through…this sadness of saying goodbye to a friend an experience…as long as you allow your sadness to have its time in the sun…you will move along with love and light and your next role… you next adventure will arrive to greet you …not layers of other people and roles you pretended so well to be.

I wish you all the power of good-byes with love. As they will offer you more hellos with love..

Susie

Kitchen

Goodbye….PLAY…

A play has always been a sad goodbye…but last night for the first time I was more happy than sad. I knew what I needed to do to maintain this feeling of connection and I was in a place to do it. I was preaching empty words…I was truly acknowledging that the reason I feel disconnected from the actors community is that I left it…as soon as the play was over as though…if I am not in a play I shouldn’t need to be around actors that much but what I have learned is that
Miami has a beautiful theater community built by the schools that are here and the feeling is super kind and loving among the actors for the most part..
It is a comrodery that is you treat it with good will it gives back to you with a truest sense of belonging but I think I felt I was…not truly among them… faker..not talented enough not consistent enough and not participatory enough…but now I see I can be more of those and I am a value and I desire to be part of this Miami World.
I have tried but I think I found a sweet spot and the right angle…just be me and do something small and take along a few kind hearted lovers and see what happens…Getting mad because I didn’t get a grant or a part is so old susie…I can just keep moving forward and doing the work and take what I get when it comes and create when I feel inspired…

Last night an old actor walked into my room while I was doing my last piece and his face was sad…no idea why just sad and it affected my piece and it was fascinating because the type of theater I am doing is truly affected by the people in the room and it is not that we are building and presenting we are offering and collaborating…

Immersive theater is amazing

s

Kitchen

hello…Luxury Marriage

sitting at home with NOTHING to do…a luxury…for sure….a difficult thing for me to accept about my life..that I have this luxury….but the reading of a review of “The Marvelous Mrs. Mazel” has awoken me to the fact that I have been able to create a life of luxury.

What is luxury to me…the ability to do my art, love my family, be a good friend and not feel the need to save the world.

Luxury…that lacking of desperation…lacking of feeling that I have to change the world in ways beyond my means…that I have to harbor other people and pay for their rent or help someone through their emotional issues or save anyone…that luxury that perhaps I am not meant to HELP anymore has released me from a great deal of suffering.

I have chosen to rather LOVE…to be myself to people…to offer honesty in response to pain and to hold them…or allow them to hold me…I have stopped placing myself in places that cause me anxiety.

I have done this gracefully and I have done this kindly and I feel it is fair. It is what is best for me and in the end for others. I am not a huge extrovert. I like to be around people but not fully engaged at all times with them…I am quiet among them now and I am calmer among them now and in that I feel safer….I don’t put my entire self on the table but I place parts of myself..my real self that I am willing to share..up there.

I have been playing the role of Mrs. Keith Wade.in a play…#miamiMotelStories MIMO..A woman who is stuck in a Marriage that is providing enough stability for her but not enough passion or freedom. The juxtaposition against my own life makes me see how much I have molded my marriage and my life into the LUXURY LIFESTYLE I dreamed about.

Things come to me…are offered to me and I accept them…I am not pushy or aggressive and I find it much kinder…my life..

I awake up to a dream- it was about a table I placed outside to get rid of..and wanted to get rid of…somehow it was back in the house…representing old habits I think and I woke up a bit insecure about things and I called Steve who had already been up and out taking Jaedon to school and I spoke to him about it..but really it was not back in the house…it was still outside …so why the call…why give energy to those dreams at all? Perhaps I think they are warnings…so I talk them through…see what they feel like and in the end I think…

All is well…I am home…safe and sound…my lovely husband is at work in a career he adores and is doing well at…I am keeping my children in my heart and letting them be free and allowing them time with their family despite time away for me…I am offering them the same freedom they have allowed me during this process of the show and it is amazing…

Being satiated by the work I am doing in this play..building a loving character I am joyful to perform…having chosen that role and not accepted an angry one I am being kind to myself…to my journey to my empathetic molecules….and having respect for my character and letting her NOT invade my life because the holes that she could have come through as I said…in my past POSTS are filled are healed and my marriage is indeed at a different level…A Luxury Marriage for sure.

Acting

How I got out of character

Getting out of character.

I am an actor and part of how I work is taking on other people’s thoughts, movements and beliefs. It is a fascinating dive into the empathy realm and the playing with the line of reality. What is reality. What is YOUR reality and what is their’s and sometimes that line bleeds…if you are lucky, if I am lucky I am so believing in my role that even I don’t know where Susie starts and this new role ends.

It is the ultimate necessity to be an actor. To have the fearlessness to release yourself and that is what it is all about. Being able to walk up those never ending stairs- movement by movement -or belief by belief or word by word or action by action into another dimension.

This is the scariest thing mostly because you k now somewhere in this journey you are sacrificing parts of your own self and like a diver..how long can you be under water without suffering from vertigo or whatever it is called where you can’t remember which way is up?

Acting…FOR ME….is like that…I get lost…usurped by the role and disappear…I keep a shell of myself and my world and my family and kids and husband represent that but more than that and the entry is harder…so I shed a lot…I let go of comipments and relationships and I disappear…

Maybe not to the naked eye but to any would seeker or evenly worker they’ll see..I am slipping…

One day after I had returned to acting after raising my young children into semi functioning children I was heading home and I remember as I opened the front door….Oh, Yeah…my kids.

It struck me as funny but the idea that I can release my motherhood role was fascinating.. and to do it to such a point that I had to actively remember it…well.it was all a bit MENTAL to say the least.

Then one day after playing a very lovely part who loved to cook but not into sex so much…my husband asked..When in Susie coming home?

IT made me stop chopping my scallions and look up. “Excuse me” I said or she said…who knows…

Steve repeated the question and it slowly sank in….HE KNOWS…he knows I am not quite myself …even in my own kitchen…

I smiled and said…”don’t you like her…she loves to cook…”

She is fine but I miss Susie he said and in that moment the veil of delete that I am perhaps many actors live with was revealed…I was missing…

Give your heart to someone…even another version of your self and it can be tricky to find the door to unbolt and retrieve yourself..

Unless you build a very clear path back to it…to her…. And that is what I have been working on.

Finding first who SUSIE is and then venturing off and trying to return sans too much collateral damage.

What I am about to share with you look me years to articulate but recently I was speaking at the Miami Beach chamber of commerce to their health and wellness committee and they received it…they didn’t;t run to take my class because the idea is still touchy but they got it and I felt in that room…they felt the idea flicker in their mind…

What if THEY TOO were still in character and if they were…what role was it and what would they be without it…

I

Kitchen

Hello….Miami Motel Stories

THe other night a group of about 30 plus THEATER PEOPLE gathered at a delapitated soon to be remodeled MOTEL on Biscayne Blvd in Miami FLorida.

We were meeting and greeting about a new production that Juggernut is doing and I was in awe of it all.

IT is a huge production with original concepts and scripts and an array of actors that just blew my mind..

I was not excited nor bored I was peaceful I was HOME and in that I realized that sometimes you have to leave everything you know at the door and enter through the kitchen and smell the seasonings to ever really truly love love love your life.

I was one of the oldest people in the room but I was beyond thankful…One actor I had known since I first moved back to mIami in 1999/2000- He told me that if I was going to marry Steve I would end up leaving acting…
He was right…I did…I left I raised kids and I built a marriage and now I am here….sitting near this fortune teller knowing I CHOSE my path and although I have a few more lines on my face and a few more cracks in the heart I am more alive than I have ever been and my acting…well…I am bringing a hole new journey and I think it is going to be amazing..

S

Acting

Hello …Creative Shelter co.

I have wanted a company- this idea of a company since I was standing in a white wooden acting studio ( ah there it is- my image of peace) being asked by one of my teachers where i see myself at 40. I opened my mouth and said I am going to have a company but not a normal acting company.

I had no idea what this meant or who it was within me that said it. I literally shrugged my shoulders in acceptances and looked around the room as everyone nodded. Ok..and it is written..Funny how these truths escape if we just OPEN our mouth.

A company? It was 1995- there was NO cell phone and NO Social Media…there WAS however AOL and a Chat room and emails and I was recently using those to stay connected to Steve while I studied in London.

Webber DOuglass was a house made into a school and I suppose that’s what i am seeking…here in Miami…and why the warmth of a home is always missing when I search for a SPACE…

By I digrace.

I was recently texted by one of my students turned past student turned friend turned ….practice partner turned as i sat across from her yesterday….

My first company member?

She doesn’t know this officially yet and I assume the other girl next to her will be as well- she is just 6 months out of my clasS- A KIND SOUL NEEDS TO SOLIDIFY…

They both texted me and we sat from 11-3:30 talking about how to move forward in our lives with grace

You wouldn’t think this is an “A. Ha” moement but having tried to teach and explain this to dozens of other artists not many have fully bought into moving from forgiveness..NONE actually ….they choose to hold onto their STORY and in that the Pain of the MAternal and in that I am a punching bag…as I am THE MATERNAL….i have learned…

It is exhausting and painful but I am there to show the benefits. A woman- a creative- owning her fault lines and taking responsibility…they have a roadmap if they want it…does and don’t s

And as we sat there I have to remind myself these woman are 20 plus years younger then me…both of them have proven in thier way of living…that they are more interested in killing their ego and moving from love more than anything else…

They are not saints…nor am I …we are powerful Alpha WOman with the ability to destroy…but I have informed them what that looks like over a life time and I give them thoughts on how to avoid holding on to anger too long…

THey ask me to the coffe juice shop and as I sit there and TEACH…I instantly see what I have..the daughters I never did, the company I will eventually build and a philosophy that these two women find valuable in their lives.

I am the Artistic DIrector of The Creative Shelter. We practice the S.U.R.F. Acting method and we wil be appearing throughout MIami this year and launching officially in Edinburgh in August 2019- We share stories of HOW TO LOVE along the maternal fault line…

SURFing Process

F$%K … Recasting

In my process of getting out of character (SURF) the hardest part for ME is recasting. It is the point where I know what I am doing is perpetuating pain and I have to change but the question is what and how and where and when.
And i am not moving…not doing my class…no studio…just tried to get time at little Haiti and one door was locked- one was taken and the theater was setting lights as i heard the sound and knew there was someone in the light booth..

Where is ALONE….

Today i realized that

I have wanted my own artistic VOice for a long while and I have it and it is so strong that it isn’t letting me work with anyone or any company or any message that isn’t on the same path.
THUS it has become clear that it is…
dibiulitaing to me NOT to have my own company…

Knowing what I can’t do without causing me pain pushing me into a corner of the ONE and ONLY thing I Can do.

Officially establish my company
My PLACE to do MY work and work with like minded creative that are in line with ME…

Artist that are here to spread LOVE
Not pain
Artist that are healed or demand to try and be
Artist that let go and move on and forgive
Artist that take responsibility
Artist that have empathy
Strong ALPHA voices that have vision and alphaness
People who can hold me

I am heading to the graphic designer to create the SURF logo
So i can take my freind up on talking at the chamber and introduce officially to the city my company. My Artistic Company

I can set a date for the next show and how stories are our passions…seeing the story you are in and choosing to shift what is needed form your position and with those you live with so that you can have a better version of your story…pas-present and future.

Transforming through performance…

So my a issue in my tissue is that i am an amazing pleaser and I have to stop activating that becasue it is not aligned…I am pleasing others before myself and that is never a good thing. I can’t do it anymore and this last part – the accommodating – I have no time for that-

This is the year of pleasing Susie…If it pleases me…

Now I must lift weights and strengthen my core-

solidification

RECASTING AS
A strong older woman with wrinkles and a voice!
Cue the kitchen walls as they fall open like a house of cards and the world is revealed and I am free- Flowing and forgiven.

List
Logo for SURF
Trademark name
Class and process
Venue for Edenbourgh

S