For the past four weeks I have been working in a play. Well an interactive immersive play that originally I declined to be part of. They wanted me to play a role that was angry and intense and I was scared to do it. I was aware that I would do it well but I was not sure would not BE WELL/SOUND doing it. So I said thank you but no than you and moved along.
They returned with an option.They asked if I would read for the role of the HOST which I was happy to do and then read a monologue that was written for her. I did..with that hole in my head from the Basel cell that was clogging third eye up…I sat in the Lobby of the GOLDDUST construction site Motel and read the piece written by Juan C. Sanchez
I read it and liked her and thought…awww she is sweet.
I agreed but as the rehearsals began I began to see that her relationship with her husband was beginning to through a spotlight on mine. Being in a role heightens your sensitivity to the topics they are working through. It makes you very empathetic to them and this time…different from the past…..I took heed ..I took the cross over and the charge as a lesson and looked at my relationships and reset somethings- what I call residue things…thing that had become unconscious old pattern of behavior but were outdated and not relevant to the current relationship…so
rather then become my character….I allowed the similarities to TEACH me and through remaining separate and not buying into the misery loves company card I was often sold about creativity -I resolved the issues I had with as much Grace as I could and was able to work on my role with distance and respect…
I was able to identity the mutual pain and instead of using that pain to build a character I release my relation ship to it and dissolved its power and approached the role with kindness….maintained pure kindness…it was a tight rope act…it was skillful and persistent and energy had to be managed…get too tired or off center and everything go a muck…a little here and a little there is ok but a safe distance from center is needed because once you release your grasp on yourself…
If I stay in character too long… I will have a much harder time differentiating between the two…Since I am an empath actor…./method type.
(which I believe is inherent …)
I go into charter and out of character throughout the night…I don’t perpetuate her too much…just enough …a faint scent …is all that is needed and then the phone rings and she arrives….
Being able to manage a character we play in theater or in life is that skill set that is attractive to me…knowing when to sit her in the corner and give her water and let her know she is good for now…is important.
It was tricky through…and I know that the more pain an artist harbors the harder it is to keeps things separated but I did and I was happy for it and I have built my ROLE of Mrs. Keith Wade on love and respect and kindness and empathy and with awareness that we are all alike but that we are all vey much different people moving through this world..
I respect her and I adore her and I am happy to share her story and the similarities of marriage and being a woman will always trigger things but I was happy for the awareness and I was able to see how I was playing into that role at times in my marriage and relationships and used her experiencing to inform my own…not the other way around….
So why I learned is that YES…you will be affected by your role if there is a cross over which mostly likely will be but then if you begin of feel personal charge in your life where it wasn’t a charge before learn how you would inform you character to deal with it and then deal with it like that…treat yourself as a friend and take her advice ///your advice…and grow and evolve…and keep yourself separate but respectful towards each other…dis charge the charge
Don’t let the character take over and pull you away…but like anyone who annoys you… a character in a play…they help us see ourselves..our TRUE SELVES…..but instead of letting that fester…allow it to aid you in evolving… and accept and love ourselves regardless…and push on to be better and do better if we can….
My process in the practical has proven to me that I am able to create from love…or from transmuting pain into forgiveness and forgiveness into story…I believe I have created a wonderful role and that she is fluid and kind and I am within her…not ON her or behind her…I am fully able to BE her because I know we have respect for each other and that she is not here to harm me and I am not going to cause her pain…we are simply coexisting for a moment in time and soon like everyone in our lives….we will say goodbye..
And hopefully sh is better for it and so am I.