Many years ago I created a performance piece in an art gallery with two other women and a team of creatives. I loved it. When we finished I thought it was the bringing of a beautiful collaboration but what happened was that the two women I worked with walked away and never looked back.
I had a one night stand…once I think but I knew the guy so it was just a random act I guess but this..this moment where I worked with someone, created something beautiful. and then walked away was new to me… I cried…I felt abandoned, hurt, lost and confused.
I then gathered myself and moved on…more shows…more adventures…more classes.
Years passed…I spoke with both of them to mend my heart but nothing more…and moved on…I built other shows and lost other partners and learned I have a hard time working with CERTAIN women.
The women I have a hard time working with are those that are not forgiving…they hold onto something and use their anger to motivate them and I become their punching bag…I allow it as through through that they will heal but I realize that is such abusive to us both..
by being the punching bag I revoke them to express their anger toward me – not good in any way
So years have gone by and I end up in a room with one of their mothers and she mentions how perhaps it wasn’t me…perhaps it was her daughter and it occurs to me in that moment what I had suspected was true….
I am the maternal…I am treated as they treat their mother… and although they may try and make it something else…it isn’t…
I am the maternal and the maternal is helming now…
as am I
as are we
as is She