Kitchen

found myself crying in the laundry room ….again

Funny how things sneak up on you…I am in the kitchen cooking latkes and a neighbor I have become very very close with tells me she is REALLy moving…crying now just trying to write about it.

I am so aware how the only time I realize how much a love people is when they leave…and it is because perhaps I am just so with them when they are here..that I can’t feel the air…

Being a nice person requires a role model and this neighbor has been mine…she has walked me through so many trials and tribulations of this process of letting go that I am not happy that she too is part of the process..

I adore her…I respect her and I am a Total mess…I went to the laundry “room” to breath and slid down that wall and felt the needles on the corner of my eye demand exit….

I cried I was here before on this laundry floor but for sader things….things that were really so far out in PAINVILLE but this is HAPPY…for her…she is moving along in her beautiful life and the means a goodbye of sorts for me

I hate evolving because it means letting go..
I look back and see so many friends of mine I have had to separate from because I had to move on…and usually I made it painful and hard to keep the sadness away but in honestly it was just a time thing…a evolving thing…

I had let go of agents because I wasn’t in the right head space..I having to let go of reminds because I couldn’t manage my own anger and now I have to just let go of a neighbor…a tender loving and kind person who feels like a sister and yet I only know her a little while…

I don’t know if I deserve her as a friend but I am thankful I have her – my family has her…and I am beyond miserable that she is moving…north…no more drop bys…by bys

I liked knowing she was near me and had my back and could break up an argument if I needed her to with angered friends on my porch…

I never had a defender like her before- but for my father…at times… and I am happy to know her but so freaking sad that she is moving…

we tried to see if we could buy her house…so we could keep her here but I knew it wasn’t out of faith…it was out of fear….

I hate that I know the difference…it is such a fiercer path…

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