Category: Kitchen

Kitchen

1/3 into the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. 2019

My family is still here…Nedra is gone…we are joining together and working well. I am TIRED…I am feeling it…and it is not even close to being through. Steve is saying WHY did I decide to do three weeks…I am thinking because when in Rome…and now I am thinking…I am going to be super fit by the end of this run..

I am not eating the best these past two days…lost my cutting edge discipline in the tiredness..

Did take a run through the area today and it was lovely…a church, a battle field, a stream and cemetery all behind the house we are renting…

We rented a home in Tranent…it is 25 minutes from Edinburgh…I am happy we have it..it is very relaxed and comfy and I am going to learn to drive this week…on the other side of the road..

Mason and Jaedon have really gotten into the flying and have been more than helpful…they have a chant their AUNT Nedra taught them and they are working it..we tried to go earlier the past two days…to see how much difference it makes but I guess there is never a clear answer.

I am hoping for a review…I have been told that my piece is an the path of performance art..and I am realizing that maybe that is what I have… a PERFORMANCE ART PIECE..

I didn’t think of it that way but the people here think that…

It is landing ok tonight..SUSIE’s list of demands was a hot wet mess today..each day. am sweater and sweatier…and today it was dissolving as I read it off.

I need to fix that…somehow/

I am feeling…challenged…we had nice audience …I saw Jaedon in the sound booth…lost my footing..still have issue with him being my kryptonite.

I was told that the play is similar to a BURNS poem about seeing yourself the way other’s see you…sounds smart and wise..I feel like I am connected to the Scots.now..

I am working on how to just get through the show…I am a sweaty mess… I need to take time to dry off..on stage…or else I will really be a wolfman.

I am feeling great…I am proud of myself…I know the show was not as sweet as it was yesterday…but it is all becoming…day by day..

I am building it..

I am HERE and I am working this town…as best as I can…at the moment… tomorrow we go for a hike…on the hill outside of Edinburgh

xoxoxoxo

Kitchen

Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2019- and Jewbana

I arrived here with my family on the 5th of August. we picked up Nedra at the hotel she stayed the night in ( she arrived a day early) and we then drove on the opposite side of the road to our home..away from home and yet…it feels so much like home so quickly.

We rented an air b and b in Tranent…about a 25 min ride outside of Edinburgh. it is a home it is comfy it has a great kitchen and lots of rooms and bathrooms and the town is adorable and not too old town…very modern and hip.

We rehearsed int the house on the 6th and the 7th…about 10 hours in total. getting Nedra and I up to speed on where the show was. Nedra grabbed what we had done in Miami and with the song addition of IF YOU KNEW SUSIE and added in the burlesque moves for the transitions which was where the show kept falling flat.

I found my lines ( mostly;) We have changed the script so many times and I have added in so many that it was a bit hard to add int he new parts for heather and JIM. ( not his real name)

then on the 8th we had a tech rehearsal but we had to get the theater s few copies of the script. We had a little bit of an issue with this and I was getting on edge and then Nedra asked for coffee while we were late and that kind of book ethe camels back and we got into a fight.

It lasted only a few minutes and the work pulled us past ourselves.

She did an amazing job and Steve ended up buying her a coffee and just being a total gem.

then Steve took over the flying and postering lead. He met with Nick at the SPACE and got a game plan. He then picked us up and we went home and got the boys and then got ready for the show that night.

They flyer for 2 hours and I had 5 people the first night and 15 the second ( around that) and then tonight I had three.

they reduced the flying to 1 hour before the show but…We shall see.

Yesterday we actually had a photo shoot from 12-2. in the church and the theater lobby at the space. WE got kicked ut of the theater and then had some great photos taken by a photographer my press agent got me.

He was talented and I suspect the shots will be very good – egg inferno too Jesus…Heather a the alter in Roller blades and Jim in a guy outfit as well as Nedra and I at the space in the lobby and me in the outfit from the show eating the pie and stretching on the railing..

The second night the audience was amazing and kind and I was enjoying myself a lot. Tonight it was intimate and I ran the show as best I have…I have 12 more performances ..needless to say it will get better and better.

I hope the boys have the script and the technicians know how to call the show and that all goes well.

I am proud in a humbling way of the work I have done on this show. I have produced, written, stared and feel fully committed and seen and like I have left nothing on the table.

I am drenched at the end of the show. I am tired I am exhausted and it runs a good 45 minutes..it is a fun show…people in the audience smile…one guy looked at his watch but that’s something I have to accept and understand… I love my work…

Nedra is leaving tomorrow…I am sad about it…I am going to be ok…Maria is coming in a few days and then Christina and they will be super helpful…

Steve …and the boys….I could cry just thinking about it…have been so kind and loving….Jeadon was a little sad about not staying till the end of camp but them last night we talked and he was able to get over it..or maybe it was that camp ended for everyone and there is nothing to be sad about now…

They have been flying and helping and Steve…I think…there is something about this play and him helping and driving everywhere ( on the wrong side of the road) that has been so sexy and helpful and just totally affirming…

the feeling I have now is AIR…space…nothing…

I have fed a giant within me…I ma doing a one woman show and I am loving it…I am fully DOING it…all of it…and it is such a powerful freeing feeling to do…I am sure others who have done this know what I am talking about but to those that are thinking of doing it…wondering if it will really mean THAT much …change your understanding of self THAT much…well…YES…so far..yes..

I was terrified to do my first run at the soho house in their gym space while it was being refurbished and then again I was like WHAT…at the Miami Light box and now…Now I see here in Edinburgh I am ding it and it is becoming …something I do…like a gig…like a job…

I suspect we will go in early on Monday and see more plays and then from there I will be able to flyer and then into the show….althougth it has been nice staying home till about 5..

today we went to eat at a place Nedra’s friend ( who I know as well) told us about called THE ROOST. Her friends cousin owns it.

it was yummy..

Tomorrow Steve is taking Nedra to the Airport and then gig to see a famous gold course and then we are all gong to go to a hike he saw…outside of the city.

Monday I have the opportunity to perform on a stage and do a little snip of the show…I am excited about it /terrified but like not really..

Par too this is like I am going through something I have already gone through..like oh yeah..I know this…I feel it may be like this because I have been meant to do this for so long now…

Steve is smiling when he looks at me…he sees me happy and content in a massive way..

I am going to bed…It is 1:23 am

I love my life…

I love it all…..each space between the morsels of it…

xoxoxo

SUSIE

Kitchen

a year and a half without my implants….and I have almost forgotten….

who I was with them. That is another meaning of F in S.U.R.F. – I really do forget and it is a good thing…it is a wonderful skill to forget once you have processed….it is a helpful gift that working things really out OUT gives me.

Residue of past roles..exist in us…it is proving to be the reality in my new play as I tap into old stories from my new and improved point of view..there was still residue…with the other people and in this play I suspect there will be more.

Who we are…in this lifetime… changes..often…and more often if you buy a ticket….to the never-ending solor system that is within you.

I have always been self obsessed, from a Doctor point of view. I am amazed at how any person moves through this life and since I am the closest person I know., I have shifted that curiosity to myself 100%. I don’t try too hard to understand why other people do what they do…I try to understand what I am doing and why…

I have become clear and can even understand who I am when I am off center..I can say…oh…this is off center because…guess what? I have felt center every one in a while…..here and there and for longer and longer amounts of times…days and even weeks…so I know who susie Susie is…and I also know who she is in a myriad of situations…while she is off center…

Being able to know thyself is the first step to being true to her. I feel like at this age…45…I am who I am….I am kind to her even when she is mean…I am loving to her even when she is angry and I am patient with her even when she is scared…

I have become my own lover and best friend and in that I have allowed my neediness of other people’s evaluation of me to dwindle. This self awareness work make me less selfish..when I am needed or around others because I am usually so over my stuff I am happy to become involved in others…when needed.

I am myself…and tomorrow I will be an older version of her and so on and so on…I am proud fo her…and her bravery of letting go of things that gave her power…things she falsely prayed to like saline filled boobies and frozen brows…

I may falter later on in life…I may fall back to wanting to be young externally forever but eventually…and logically I realized I will have to cross over into the next wise woman phase one day and why not get a head start with a happy heart?

being older and wiser as a woman can be sexy..right?…. Sexy .in a “you wish you understood what I have viscerally learned”…way.

Kitchen

breaking through it

Last night I worked with the AMAZING Carey Brianna Hart on the sound for Jewbana. I watched, she designed, and I was just honored that she was willing to put her talent on this project.

Today another blessing…the brilliant Venessa Elise came over and helped me with a monologue I so desired her POV on. HOLY MOLY MIami has TALENTED women ….

I think there is a depth to our piece that I was hoping for through the comedy…which I will work on more this week and then MONDAY I will have another workshop with these two women and then …grab my balls and do the show for an audience on the 25th…ahhhh

I also had a skype session with Francis Allen who is helping me with my accent for another character.

and I took a circus class and I am getting there…little by little…

I am excited about the show and about opening it and about becoming the person I hope to be…a woman who can own her own even while having a family and being in love and it was a full moon and something else last night and

I am meeting myself
walking down a dirt road…and the dust is kicking up and the woman coming towards me…she is wise and wonderful and peaceful and happy and content…with her path and happy to say goodbye to me… and thank you…thank you for all you did to get us HERE.

We have Made HUGE decisions abut our future this past week…HUGE and amazing and life changing and the kids will be going through a few changes but…Steve and I …we will be together in it and changing and life..

life is exactly what you ask it to be…so ask without irony and without negation because the universe doesn’t know sarcasm…it read as desire..

like everything else we speak about …

your Tongue is your arrow…aim well…

Meet you at the horizon…

#whoissusie #jewbana

xoxo
Susie

Kitchen

In the BERKS

It is July 12th

I am a little less than a month away from the show
I just ran it for myself in the basement of my families home in the Berkshires

the show opens on the 8th

I am doing a run at the light box on the 25th for a small invited group of lovers..

I am hoping it makes sense…kind of…

or something

I have to work on accents…
I have to work on the characters
I have to feel the show out more..and the changes
I need something for Jaedon and something for Ani.

the show had a stumble through today…and so now I need to run it each day at least once…

s

Kitchen

Building a show by NGAF

So I am taking a show to Edinburgh…It was built out of love but it deals with Trauma…it is an honest and revealing version of myself as told through the eyes of people that know me. Most people wrote things but most people couldn’t and woundn’t but I used what those that did and put it into the mouths of others. or revealed their POV through my actions…

I come across as a pretty angry bitchy lover who is just speaking her truth by exposing herself.

it is not comfortable to others…people aren’t so happy about it…I didn’t really understand but they are starting to see ..this is past and hopefully they can understand that it is a way of celebrating the past in order to release it all and move on…

but one of the people I play who is kind of a catalyst for so many fucked up things that happened in my life…he isn’t the reason he was just there…and happened to be young and studpid and not equipt to handle me…but who is???…only ONE…

So any who..

In my attempt to make peace I have remade enemies but then again what is the point of a friendship if a sense of humor isn’t on the table….but even so…
here I go
Ho oponopono
TM
Please forgive me
I am sorry
I love you
and Thank you

I hope from all you have learned and experienced that you can see the FUNNY in this…in being able to expose a past version of yourself and know it isn’t you anymore…is liberating..

These were your words and I simply accepted them…I am sorry if they hurt…I think art does that even when you are trying to be nice..because truth stings before it heals.

Even when I try and be nice I am still a little bitch..a BIG bitch…. it is fully impossible or perhaps not fully possible for me right now to create without destroying…

I am heading into my second week of rehearsals…I am trying to get off script and get my accents going and my dance moves and fitness up to par…ahhhh

I am working hard and I am not perfect and that my dears is the point…in every attempt to do anything.. you will piss people off.. you will scrape at scars… you will challenge people to question if they truly have forgiven you or themselves and in the end…in the end you will know ONLY one thing…that you were brave enough to ask the question to begin with.

“Fall far and hard and break yourself whenever you can…so you can rebuild yourself with all the shattered pieces..”
Humpty Dumpty.

Kitchen

the lull before the

Structural tension…without coffee lasts twice as long…

I tend not to buck or yell or break the silence…I am sitting here…waiting…waiting for Nedra to take the notes from all the people that read the play and build a clearer opening and closing.

We have 2/3 of the piece done and that all is fine…I haven’t started to memorize I don’t have my egg or my sound or my lighting…or my other costumes exactly but…I am feeling like…feeling like…once I get to LA get in the room with Nedra we will create a piece that is going to KNOCK
our socks off…

I think I have forgotten myself entirely..forgotten the point of this…forgotten why I am even doing this and the passion has sort of shifted into a current…like I am in a current and I am just allowing things to happen and it is a trust thing and a newer thing…and I am off coffee like I said and things are SLOW like MOLASSES and I am BORED but know..it is only temporary…I totally don’t know how to relax…I don’t know how to just be ok with doing nothing but then I do…like an exhausted dog catch my breath …but lately….I am detoxing…detoxing from foods I found I am allergic to… and in that…I am internally shifting…

I just finished an aloe cleanse and now I am starting something that is called SP CLEANSE and just allowing myself to follow my body.

I miss my room I rent…I haven’t been there..I was working with circus people but tomorrow I will go there I think…why am I so tired…I am just so out of it..

I feel pre exhausted…Like I am building up for the show that will for sure be truly exhausting…I am excited ..I am scared out of my wits but not that scared…I am subdued in a way…

I am awaiting my travels this summer…I am aware I have no clothes…I need to get a sense of myself and myself isn’t being a great friend…I have become boring and disconnected from others and very very selfish and self focuses and feel like…I hate it…I hate working on my stuff and being all about me but I also know it is important and soon will feel totally normal and I will be able to place my legs under my shoulders again.

I have a structure for my circus dance at the start of the show…I hope to have my egg costume …tomorrow…who knows…all is going well…but really…who knows and who cares but for a little pin in the wall that said…been there done that.

Love susie

Kitchen

making Jewbana

Since Aug 16th 2018 I have started to decide I will do a one woman show. FOR REALS. A lifelong one day is now fast approaching. I have booked a theater and rented a home bought tickets for my family and I and have spent the last 4 months penning a script with one of my creative besties…Ms. Nedra Gallegos…

The script is ironing itself out and I have begunto put it on its feet then off to rewrite and then back on.

I have hired a person to help me get press. I have hired a person for social media once I get to Scotland…three friends are joining me…to support and take advantage of the opportunity of the experience…

I am feeling like this play has been writing itself in me for years and years…
and I am excited.

At the moment, I have decided to self-direct. As it is about me and I have some solid ideas…I am working with my Aunt Marcia on the costume…she who actually helped me dean bibbitec..and I am excited to be joining forces with her…and then I found Larry the designer to build a even better version of it.

My husband is listening to me and I am sharing the storyline with him and getting his input. I am proud of myself that I am actually asking and actually taking it without resistance to defensiveness. It is a rare feeling I am having more and more of copasetic behavior with the powerful people that are aligning with me on this project

I feel that this will be a major experience for me and I am allowing myself to slowly move toward it enjoying each part of it…even this part…the prep of the prep.

I wish you all big dreams and the freedom and the wings big enough to chase them…I feel like this has been a dream I built feather by feather and I am wining my wings and proud of each one’s ability.

I am asking the universe to continue to guide me…be it god or light or breath…all of it…to take me …let me draft…xoxox.
s

Kitchen

A PLAY- JEWBANA

I spent the past several years piecing myself together. trying to find out who I am …through movement…through videos…through writing and now through play. I am putting all the pieces back together again…Humpty Dumpty.

I created a concept and wrote a play with my dearest darling NEDRA….we are taking the play to Edinburgh as a salute to Motherhood and parenthood and the roles we play…and to actors and how we hold the key to mental health…by understanding how to GET OUT OF CHARACTERS….fully.

We started writing this I believe….in November by asking people to help me and then slowly found myself with Nedra writing out the stories they all sent in and tying it up in a bow-ish type of thing…I rewrote it she and I spent hour on the phone skit by skit and in the the final pages were nailed in…

Today Nedra wrote me the end of the play and I will be sending it t a director Monday and in that we will begin the rehearsal process.

the next phase of creation.

I did a scene last night about wrinkles about age and in that I was liberated…like a had never felt …or recently felt…a sense of FUCK YOU AND….I am still SUSIE KREITMAN TAYLOR…

I create art in my home town in my own city and. I tell stories I like and love to hear…and that my friends ….is all I need…..beyond my family

Simple girl…surrounded by love….xoxoxoxo

S

Kitchen

BEAUTIFULLY OLD

In order to change something, you have to stay in the thing and be the change. You have to hold you place till the opportunity arises to crush it all.

Last night I filmed a scene in a bathroom in the mirror…and it was about me…. growing old…No. ..me being old…it was a camera on my skin in my face and in my soul saying…look what you are so scared of?…these wrinkles?…these tiny lines?…this skin?…this is what you are scared of?

I played the scared woman and with that I exited the bathroom and felt a slow rush that took about two ours to process…

it was a RUSH of FUCK YOU.

When I exited the bathroom the three woman on set were discussing to themselves their own personal need for BOTOX and sleeping on their back…after watching my scene on the monitor-my face has caused them to fear the future …. what is coming and in that…

in that I realized I am the future. I am beyond. I am liberated from wondering what it will look like because I am there….on the train and I bought my ticket and I am not trying to force myself in the kiddie rides or roles…I am fully committed to being OLD…Wise…Beautiful….Kind….and ME…..as I am….as I become….

And those around me….I know they love me….for me…not for my sparkles or falsies….for me… and in that…in that….in that….I am free to Be ME.