Category: Kitchen

Kitchen

INtegration of character


I found this word today by asking my husband what he felt the opposite of segregation was. 

I had been segregated by life these back years to dissect them. It had began with the death of my father the several years of therapy and the hitting of a brick wall with my ability to see Myself. It them moved into performances based on self awareness, kindness, the female journey and relationships. The final aspect was work. That was not so much a performance process but one that stemmed from being in quarantine these past few months.

I have found my work. My creative self and my family did not conflict but rather coincided. The space of my house became the backdrop to my work, my creative expression , my impression and all without having to leave the heart strings I so desperately love, my family.

I have always thought acting and family were oxymorons. I had been taught that young and although I peeled away the belief through action I had not uprooted the original programing – till now. To be home creating, not needed to venture out, not having to run from the disturbances of my home as they clash with my creative SUSIE- 

The idea of letting a SPACE i had always and desperately wanted to go, to send a text perhaps to say thank you and that it served its purpose…I am integrated.

I am integrated. I have kindly placed all my pieces back together and I have been able to flow and function at such high speeds. No breaks in emotion or energy having to exit and reenter my realisties. I am in one reality and have from here branched into others I have sold myself on. I am in one place and the creative juices flow around me. I am grounded and open minded and secure.

I was watching a show on Netflix as they discussed that a marijuana overdose reveals your holes and insecurities. I remember being concerned that no one could see me and that Steve would sometimes not be next to me even though he was driving the car. My fear was not being seen or heard and perhaps because I knew I wasn’t anywhere to long and thus I was nowhere..in my movement and in my work..I hadn’t tethered them in because it is not the pole it is myself – i have become the pole…centered, clear, understood more and more as I step forward with my work.

Integration. A woman’s work, apron strings and creative juices and the concostions I shall make.

And I I make breakfast, her the sizzle of the bacon the laughter of the boys the grains of sand beneath my feet from the outdoor project I am working on with teh family as a 46th Borthday project for me……I am typi

ng my thoughts in real time on this keyboard on my kitchen counter which will serves as my backdrop for my upcoming interview show I am hosting as my favorite Character Mrs. Keith Wade form Miami Motel Stories…it is called unplugged

Which is what we all needed to do inorder to reset and integrate…

Kitchen

Integration of Self

INTEGRATION

I found this word today by asking my husband what he felt the opposite of segregation was. 

I had been segregated by life these back years to dissect them. It had began with the death of my father the several years of therapy and the hitting of a brick wall with my inability ability to see Myself. It them moved into performances based on self awareness, kindness, the female journey and relationships. The final aspect was pice… not so much a performance process but one that stemmed from being in quarantine these past few months.

Integration. Home

I have found my work. My creative self and my family did not conflict but rather coincided. The space of my house became the backdrop to my work, my creative expression , my impression and all without having to leave the heart strings I so desperately love, my family.

I have always thought acting and family were oxymorons. I had been taught that young and although I peeled away the belief through action I had not uprooted the original programing – till now. To be home creating, not needed to venture out, not having to run from the disturbances of my home as they clash with my creative SUSIE- 

The idea of letting a SPACE i had always and desperately wanted to go, to send a text perhaps to say thank you and that it served its purpose…I am integrated.

I am integrated. I have kindly placed all my pieces back together and I have been able to flow and function at such high speeds. No breaks in emotion or energy having to exit and reenter my realisties. I am in one reality and have from here branched into others I have sold myself on. I am in one place and the creative juices flow around me. I am grounded and open minded and secure.

I was watching a show on Netflix as they discussed that a marijuana overdose reveals your holes and insecurities. I remember being concerned that no one could see me and that Steve would sometimes not be next to me even though he was driving the car. My fear was not being seen or heard and perhaps because I knew I wasn’t anywhere to long and thus I was nowhere..in my movement and in my work..I hadn’t tethered them in because it is not the pole it is myself – i have become the pole…centered, clear, understood more and more as I step forward with my work.

Integration. A woman’s work, apron strings and creative juices and the concostions I shall make.

INTEGRATION

I found this word today by asking my husband what he felt the opposite of segregation was. 

I had been segregated by life these back years to dissect them. It had began with the death of my father the several years of therapy and the hitting of a brick wall with my ability to see Myself. It them moved into performances based on self awareness, kindness, the female journey and relationships. The final aspect was work. That was not so much a performance process but one that stemmed from being in quarantine these past few months.

I have found my work. My creative self and my family did not conflict but rather coincided. The space of my house became the backdrop to my work, my creative expression , my impression and all without having to leave the heart strings I so desperately love, my family.

I have always thought acting and family were oxymorons. I had been taught that young and although I peeled away the belief through action I had not uprooted the original programing – till now. To be home creating, not needed to venture out, not having to run from the disturbances of my home as they clash with my creative SUSIE- 

The idea of letting a SPACE i had always and desperately wanted to go, to send a text perhaps to say thank you and that it served its purpose…I am integrated.

I am integrated. I have kindly placed all my pieces back together and I have been able to flow and function at such high speeds. No breaks in emotion or energy having to exit and reenter my realisties. I am in one reality and have from here branched into others I have sold myself on. I am in one place and the creative juices flow around me. I am grounded and open minded and secure.

I was watching a show on Netflix as they discussed that a marijuana overdose reveals your holes and insecurities. I remember being concerned that no one could see me and that Steve would sometimes not be next to me even though he was driving the car. My fear was not being seen or heard and perhaps because I knew I wasn’t anywhere to long and thus I was nowhere..in my movement and in my work..I hadn’t tethered them in because it is not the pole it is myself – i have become the pole…centered, clear, understood more and more as I step forward with my work.

Integration. A woman’s work, apron strings and creative juices and the concostions I shall make.

And I I make breakfast, her the sizzle of the bacon the laughter of the boys the grains of sand beneath my feet from the outdoor project I am working on with teh family as a 46th Borthday project for me……I am typi

ng my thoughts in real time on this keyboard on my kitchen counter which will serves as my backdrop for my upcoming interview show I am hosting as my favorite Character Mrs. Keith Wade form Miami Motel Stories…it is called unplugged

Which is what we all needed to do inorder to reset and integrate…

Integration. A woman’s work, apron strings and creative juices and the concostions I shall make.

Kitchen

Sad today and yesterday…deep sadness that was not all mine…

Acting has made me an empath by trade. Since I tend to take work home with me, I can feel for other people…as I walk our quiet little neighborhood. I slip off the path and take a walk alone thought the empty streets but for connection seekers desperately hoping to see someone and have to step away…desperately hoping to hear kids laughter or catch someone’s eye…I walk the quiet old fashioned simple streets and sit under a large tree I may have time to learn the name of and I bow my head and I cry…

I know why I am crying…so much change..so much helplessness…so much I am not part of nor want to be part of…so much I can do but don’t know yet what or how or have the strength internally to do…crying because I am falling short and only able to hold my family in their house and that is all I can do…and that is enough for me for now…

I haven’t seen my mom…I am waiting the 14 days but I miss her…I am aware this is not ending soon…Steve’s family has driven to NC. We are here for now…

Kitchen

home

i am sitting in my front yard- it is 5:07 am. I am up. I have been up since 3:01- I went to bed a little too early or my mind is racing or perhaps I am in recasting…I am in understanding..I am in them both…..

The story is that we are all about to get a virus…hopefully we all get through it…we are all about to change…molecularly or emotionally or spiritually.

your life choices and out outlooks are being challenged and if you had any doubts…about any of it…they will come out .

I have none.

For the past five years or maybe 11. somewhere in there…I have made choices about my life that are based on having one universal engine running my ship…

that engine is love and kindness and it took a ton of work for me as an actor trained to hold on to stories to be able to use them…to actually let them go.

I let them go and let them go and eventually i ended up here…in the exact pain that you are in but the only difference is that mine is not tapping into past trauma…not much at least…because my past trauma has been healed based on my belief that you can be light and worthy.

I urge you to ask for forgiveness from anyone you think that HURT you…so that you can be set free and set them free from that pain body that has the ability to magnetize other pain towards it.

Maintain happiness and joy and kindness as much as possible…ward off the dark and hardships…don’t read the news or listen to it..don’t even get on social media long because it is like smoke..it will seep into you and your effort to maintain a open heart and a healthy outlook will be less and less.

Focus on your essentials…on your moment to moment desires wants and joy seek…JOY SEEK J O Y SEEK.

Remember the song the dance…

Kitchen

space matters

having a room- a studio- a space- to go to the past three months has been a game changer to me . A room for no other real reason but to meet myself as myself. A room with my things and a mirror…myself.

we are approaching a lock down due to the Corona Virus that has stopped the world…We are trying to remain calm we are keenly aware life has forever changed.

Spending is both halting and not, people are both isolated and united, I am both scared and peaceful.

The world is recasting herself…she asked several times for us to take the hint but we were too busy to hear her and so she did what a lot of women have decided to do.

She took matters into her own hands- we will all be stopping soon…maybe tonight …maybe tomorrow…we will all be home bound and quiet and yet I am sure we will yearn to know what our neighbors are doing until we will get bored of that too and eventually we will marvel at the birds in our yards and their ability to fly while we are the caged ones singing-

We are being recast…like I was mid show…not because we weren’t doing a great job or because we asked for this but because the machine demanded it – it was off the track…and so we will flounder and squint and try and see this world as a new world and yet resist. some may or proclaim they can’t see it and I will say yeah…I get it…quiet calm and peaceful and that is about right

I am thankful I have outlets for my energy…my blog my podcast my book….what the freak…my family and my boys and my husband and my pool

my house I try and run from is holding me safe…keeping me kind and calm and loving me…and I am trying to return the favor…

Kitchen

Is Amanda Peet my new beauty-creative-guru?

https://www.lennyletter.com/story/amanda-peet-never-crossing-the-botox-rubicon—–

As an older actress…birthday coming up… I tend to struggle with my age…but then again in an industry that is TRYING not to empower the MALE gaze as much anymore I also am aware that not buying into the conversation that age is ugly is important and needs to be held by those in positions to hold it…I am happy to read this lovely article by Amanda Peet and also to learn she wrote.a new play that is perhaps still running off broadway and maybe just maybe she is my new hero or guide….or Buddha belly….because all too often I want to freeze frame and yet in my work…in my theater work…I have a keen sense that it will affect my work…my ability to properly emote like a normal human being..and this is truth as they have said sad emotions are muted when you can’t wrinkle your forehead but like in theater and so in life..without the wrinkle there is no full expression on either side of the spectrum and this concerns me truly…as a women, a mother, an artist…I am not judging anyone but myself but since Amanda wrote this I want to just share it to anyone who thinks these thoughts. Read her wonderful blog here.

https://www.lennyletter.com/story/amanda-peet-never-crossing-the-botox-rubicon—–

Kitchen

Post RAI and I am currently Euthyroid.

It is about a month and a half after I took I very low dose of RAI to heal my toxic Nodule. The first sign I had that perhaps things were working was that I got cold in a restaurant. I haven’t felt cold in MIami for a while…

The next thing was that my mood was more even keel even in a very stressful time of working in a play and being recast in another role.

The third was the results of the test! I am having another blood test tomorrow and I hope and truly feel i will still be normal.

I asked the Doc to do a sonogram but he didn’t want to yet..( we hadn’t gotten the test results back at that time and I think he felt like he didn’t think it was prudent or helpful as the nodule could grow before it shrunk. and he knows how fragile I can be but honestly I feel so so so much better…I am pretty amazed.I wonder how long I have had this condition and wish I could trace it back.) ..

I also feel that whatever Hoshimotos symptoms I had have been relieved by this treatment as well.. and that makes sense….

I take a 24 min kitty cat nap mid day and all is swell with me being up and working the night shift.

It is interesting to feel almost calm –

Kitchen

Heading into Tech week for Miami Motel Stories.

this role is sweet and interesting and I think i have finally begun to grasp her. tomorrow starts Tech week…which is basically putting all the pieces together and seeing how the entire piece plays out.

I have decided that the routine of a show is best for me. I am done with the open schedule I have had for the past x amount of month..I want to be told where to go and what to say for a bit.

I am building my own second schedule around performances…it will be based on how I feel but also not to exhaust me too much as I understand that that is not helpful for this journey anymore…and about executed the grant and the book?

Yesterday pre heat game and after some moderate exercise and a massage I sleep for an hour and NEEDED to and that is something humbling and new I am going to add into my day if I need it…room for a possible nap.

SIESTA is going to be my word of the year…I have decided and in that I must find time and delegate and choose my adventures and rejoice in the pause…

I am also going to speak to my new grant writer who is local and an artist about working with me on my SURF book

I feel like although I am not practicing it ..the conversation about movement and joy is so ON right now and I almost feel I could pitch the book idea and get funding…if I wanted to bc the topic is super relevant and well versed and researched..and perhaps if I can just get this one book underway then..

but honestly I just want the workbook to align with the play in Fall when I do it again…

Kitchen

post RAI

so it is done all the back and forth is over for now and I am on the other side..casualty of truth is over activating the throat chakra and now…now it is about what… waiting and seeing how things LEVEL out and what is any PILL i am going to be on…

re my art and my soul work…. Jewbana and SURF

I am submitting for grants and rehearsing a play about Miami

I am taking care and being kind and consistent – I am on a ton of supplements and I am taking CBD when needed–SUPER helpful for my PMS…like just need to get myself to take it before I get so upset about the world and my life and how nothing I am…that is what my PMS says I am nothing…mening I have done nothing…i am unproductiove and that is like a knife in my heart but ya know what…I don’t have to be productive all the time and doing totally nothingness is a skill I am honing…and in that things arrive…

like today I met on the phone a woman in LA who is not going to be editing JEWBANA…i didn’t call her or ask for her but she arrived…I am blessed because ANGELS are watching out for me- guiding me and I am floating right now…taking steps but only with the wind behind me…nothing aggressive or demanding…

xoxo

s

Kitchen

2 days after RAI

started drawing butterfly graphics and listening to Oprah Soulession and walking my dog. I think it is Iodine that is why I had so much energy…

but today I am feeling fine two days after the RAI pill and I know this is all going to turn out just fine. I had something toxic and I took care of it and now I will being to feel better and better. I am calm…that I have done this.

beautiful beautiful weather today. calm voice in my head…she is tired from all the processing but thankful it is paused…for now…she is sitting on that hill – looking over Edinburgh and just feeling the energy pass thorugh her…and at times she can catch some and hold it.

I am tired if anything today..which is understandable…but not exhausted … I think just paused….resetting…waiting for resolve…