Author: Susie Taylor

Kitchen

Hello ……WIngs

this past two days minus yesterday – I watched three full seasons of three shows. Fleabag, Sisters and Chica something..

Then yesterday I took my boys to school and then went to the gym then chopped off a few inches of my hair….

Doing “nothing” letting go…allowing the universe to align with you…visa versa….

I also listened to several tarot card readings about my September and they all said…tough one….decisions…liars….etc… ALl of them…

When several tarot card readers from all over the world give out the same reading for ARIES September 1-15 you know it is not YOUR time and you sit back and just dive deep and like a SURFER…find a sturdy rock to hold on to while the waves pass above you.

And I did..I felt the energy and I bunkered down and then yesterday
I received three emails

one that I was NOT cast in CIty THeater Winter SHorts
two- that I was asked to do a reading with City THeater this MOnday
three- that I was invited to join a Shakespeare group that performs for children in schools
four- that I was invited to speak about my class at the MIami Beach Chamber wellness committee in November.

seeds get planted and sometimes we have to distract our selves with dancing so that they can grow in peace..
Goodness is not forced or demanded it is offered up

My addiction to the MALE GAZE is over…i don’t feel it and know that -that portion of my life is truly gone. I hope that these next chapters offer me something more that superficial glances…something deeper and more lasting and eternal.

The Male gaze holds no charge but for a memory of a world I am not of anymore…

I long for and have desired to be understood and heard..and that world is only built through my Gaze- my words- my value

xoxoxoxo

Thank you universe for allowing this reset…for offering me the opportunity to shift …for unanchoring me from the roots of this past life- this house- these stories and to levitate above them in search of my future..
Than you for letting me kindly grow my wings these past few years so that they can take me to the places I desire.

S

Kitchen

Is memory …movement based

I was just listening to someone discuss smart phone dimetia-
It was how we can;t remember a phone number bc our smart phone has made us dumb-

I think memories and learning are movement based so as we become less movement based we become more vessels and less content based.

We don;t need to hold or can’t becasue we never actually found the thing we were looking for
We click it and it came and with the least amount of energy…we “gathered knowledge” but did we actually learn

Learning is process oriented and you can;t create a process in a tw demintial world. The glass phones have the Lesa St amount of texture and it creates the least mount of resistance and in that we glide and slide past ideas and thoughts

If we are not phycailly DIALING anymore then yes…we can’t remember the number as well…try opening up your keyboard and dialing out a number a few times…don’t call it just keep dialing it and on the tenth time you do the number I bet your will see the physical pattern and the number will be locked in your head

This is how actos memeorize. They create the physical world for their lines and then the words have homes and it become clear what is said when you are doing what..it all goes together.

Which brings me back to the Ktichen…movements can create memory recalls
Likw when you do a repetite movement if there is an emotional memory attached to it —things come up.
Travel alleviates the routine scene we play out over and over and maybe moving will also do the same..it is hard to remember your LINES when the set changes…habits display and thoughts can be altered…as long as the set isn;t constantly reminding you of your PAST LINES and thus your past pains and past circumstances…
I move my furniture often for exactly this reason…

Xo
S

Kitchen

Hello…..old scene

When you try and do somethign NEW what I find tends to happen is all these OLD stories and scenes begin to percolate to the top.

Maybe it is that opportunity to let them go that we miss and instead attach ourselves to- when you are in it…alone..it is hard…

Yet once you KNOW what the other person is going to say that means you have been here bolero and the GAME is…can you choose another tactic.

My mom always goes for a laugh, steve uses sweetness, I just go quiet…I lack the ability to turn out of a tale spin and prefer trying to avoid them all together

But since the kids started school this have been 100 miles an hour…not with activities but out of pure changeness…we are adjusting to the ruitine and it is happening..

But the house.. the time is ticking and it needs to be let go of by once I try I grab back on

WHY?

I am concerned what will become of the boys and steve if we move out…and I am equally sure it will end well but the fear that the outcome is on me…is on me to do this ,,,that is where I am short circuiting…

But they have come to the table- see opportunities themselves…who knows- maybe this is just who steve and I are at the core…fire types that argue often and loudly and love just as strongly…

And if they move and if we like it..ill say yeah for us all…but quietly…I was right
Ha

Xoxoxo
S

Kitchen

love is in the ….saying goodbye to say hello

I have found it is in the hello that we realize we are in love…but it is in the forgetting that allows the hello to happen. We have all been here before and we must forget it all. the more we forget the more we remember fresh and the more we can fall in love daily…

it annoys me to hang with people who remember so well YEt….they forget to forget.

Kitchen

Goodbye…..kitchen

Funny- all our arguments start isn’t he kitchen. THis idea of the feminine seems to hold up in the space between the fridge and the sink and the counter and the crumbs and it bothers us.

I wonder if we leave this house and this kitchen and all the arguments that kept us together will we be able to enjoy the JOY and stop retracing the fault lines.

I am exhausted this week from the conversation about raising kids and raising roofs and moving on and my soul is in need of this…NOTHING. A day of absolute simple calmness that requires only a faint bit of curiosity to exist.

Kitchen

Music has power

When were curse words a must in songs? The words are Spells and our children hear them. I wonder if it changes them or if I am just getting guncool and scared..maybe words shouldn’t hold too much power..

I was at a fitness class the other day and I was with my son. Evey song they played at #risenation had words in it my 14 year old doesn’t say nor wants to hear when we workout.

When we are moving our body seems to me more absorbent than when we are still and the words I hear when working out can seep deeper in-

Be careful the words you allow to enter your heart- yours or others paint the story…be aware..

And please offer classes with non explicit music.

Susie

Kitchen

Hello…..GRaNT

I found myself taking a turn based on an email that is one a thread.

I happened to be on a list that happened to send out an email about a grant for a 20 minute piece and I thought. YES-

Then I thought but I’ve done that before and it it didn’t work out so I thought …I’ll learn to write a grant and I googled how to and up came Thumbtack and then the thought was..I can’t write a grant but they can and I need help explaining.

So I posted the job- a three day turn around- I got a few quotes back, I called one- I liked her- she was hired-

She wrote the grant and in three days time I applied PROPERLY to a grant.

The idea of knowing what I am not capable of is a beautiful thing because it also makes be honor what i am capable of.

I am going to build out my SHOW this year- get it funded through Kick Starter- take the one woman show to Edinburgh and then get it produced into a series at some point.

I am able to see the map bc an ex sent me a link to a show that did exactly that. I don;t need to revive net the wheel just copy it on my side of the pond.

I am so ready to break free- cut my strings and fly and this idea of building my work, being my own agent and manager is giving me the tanaacity in my art form I was deeply lacking. I am not anyone’s Pawn.

I am my own tool that I can manage and use to move myself to my desire…create work and tell the stories I want to tell…

The auditions and the other gigs are not the focus but more an exercise in being both the artist and the business side…jut keep moving…as long as I keep my own SHOW on the Front Burner I am able to engage with other artist I hope..

And now having this woman Writor – I believe it is time to write my book and have her look at my work and get it organized to publish. Why Not.

S

Kitchen

Hello…..Childhood home

Last night while searching on Zillow for homes in my area I woudl one day like to live in…I randomly saw a link to my old house.

THis house is no where near me and had only been on the market 17 hours or days or something but there it was. Up for sale. Another fmaily will get to move in and make memories.

My sister happened to come over after that to drop off my boys and we looked through the house and reminisced about our upbringing. It was fun to see the frame of our childhood on a screen in our current home and laugh at what changed and what didn’t and the wood panels they left on the wall.

It was nice to recognize the layers that life adds to our stories while we are away making more and it then remainder me and my husband that it is time to move…the home we are in is truly lovely…just like that house but it is not enough anymore and that is honest.

FOrcing yourself to stay when you know you need to go may be the cruelest thing you can do your yourself Nd those around you. Knowing it is time to go and allowing it still to be sad is truthful.

GOodbye always suck but it doesn’t; mean they aren’t for the best..becasue a goodbye means a hello is coming…

Xoxoxo
S

Kitchen

Hello…..PMS and Flip phone

We have become freinds. I get her. She comes over once a month…overturns all my neat little tables and calls bullshit as soon as she sees it. This week she focused on my youngest son.

He is me and I get it. Curious and kind and willing to test the boundaries. I went two weeks dealing with his behavior issue and giving him warnings and then when the Shit hit the fan he did what I woudl do and started to cry and act small.

Thing is I know this move and I am ove it..it makes you little for real in the end and less responsible so for his own sake I called BS on his excuse and naked his toosh to the wall

Bye bye smart phone Hello Flip phone.

Can’t be anything worse EGO wise then to pull out a Flip Phone on the playground!

But we did it bc the kid or anyone for that matter doesn’t;t need to deal with group chats that are out of line – it wasn’t;t social media..it was his “freinds”

I am happy he is at a new school but with these phones you are not ever able to restart so I did it for him..I still want his number changed but we’ll take that slowly.

Here is what I look like when PMS comes to visit.

Kitchen

Hello….pole

After watching over some of my videos I am compiling for a show I am going to be doing…AT lAST – i found myself watching myself taunt me..I was a few years younger but I seemed innocent and unaware or perhaps distracted enough to be able to connect to my Sensual Self…alone in a room with a pole.

I am not sure why everyone isn’t given thier own room with a POLE..i am still searching for mine bc nothing compares the the one I had at Iron Flower –
A dark pretty room to my self with several poles and a mirror and i am in heaven.

I have my own pole outside the back of my house and i just began to play on it again.. this is not MY pole it is the House’s pole and my little guy climbs it everyday which is cute but kind of annoying..I can’t build mojo when my son keeps resetting it to a playground toy but then again..isn’t it…a playground toy…

I love the jungle gym..I love my younger self.. I enjoy reconnecting to her often and in that to my sexuality becasue I believe my sexuality is linked to my creativity…and I was born like that…I believe we all are..

Born as creative sexual beings desiring to build somethign out of nothing.. and then as we become adults…all that energy gets spliced and owned and broken and taken and we forget..at the beginning..we were pure Cupids. Playfull, Mischivious and loving to no end…becasue we were limitless. and we knew it…but over time we forget.

..life forces us to dare to remember it and for some reason that pole…that spinning…soothes me back to that belief system and call me what you may…I dare you not to smile on the pole.

I rented a room at a Pole studio in Wynwood …it was different..nice..but different…I found little parts of myself…in this ever changing world of Miami that just as I was parking even led to me to that the 360 warehouse..the MITRANI warehouse that was called 360 four years ago and held my first performance piece – while I was looking for parking and happened to drive by and look inside and it was rubble…it was being demolished…all the creativeness was broken down…to be rebuilt..

This site of RUIN…ruins me and releases US ( ME and Miami ) we continues to evolve..you’ll never KNOW her…or me… and that is why we are sisters forever..