This week I auditioned for two theater plays a voice over and a made for TV show. I heard from two of them. One I did not get but was quickly asked to read in a play reading session with them in a few weeks. I accepted.
I love play readings..low commitment- high enjoyment and all and all a lovely night.
I also heard from the second play – I was offered a role that I felt might be Angry. I mentioned that I was thrilled o be part of the piece but not as an Angry person. I know myself and Anger is toxic..nudity on the other hand..no issue…HA THey informed me that my role was indeed angry and that there was no alternative way to portray it..
I said thank you but no thank you. THis is the first time I ever in my life let a role go. It wasn’t;t the money it was the emotion that I couldn;t play anymore.
I have told my students to do this and this was the first time I had the where with all to heed my own wisdom.
I also was asked to speak a the business chamber..some 5 months after I applied due to nepotism and I accepted which sent me on a wild goose chase of defending this opportunity by trying to reinstate my SURF acting class.
IT was bibbitec all over. I had put the class down bc I learned what I needed and yet when a wanting person gave me attention I began to try and justify it..
I spend a few days thinking of how to trademark my name but the truth came when today I was creating a logo and i was annoyed and Steve was my voodoo doll. Poor guy. I am poking him…trying to ignite his SUPER POWER
Where he called my bullshit and release me from my angst and take me HOME-
I tell him that this request to talk has spured me to look for spaces and try and restart my class…
He says” that makes no sense”
I say” it is a sign..that I was asked”
He says “and that is why you are wrong.”
He asked” do you want to teach”
I say I miss doing my class but I am over teaching…over caring about others in front of me…I’ve helped enough…I don’t care that much anymore”
Truth is nasty- hard and really hurts when you let it in..but it equally heals when you do. I have no desire to build the class out..but I miss dancing and I just want to find a place…
No. I have a place a studio I can use with my EarPods..alone- Monday or Wednesday.. and that’s what Ill do-
Still thinking I woudl like to apply for the FRINGE in EDINBUOGH..or maybe in NYC if they have it this year..give myself a deadline…
Then these nibbles won’t be so attractive
I need to love my work beyond all the rest and my work is my piece…I lost focus this week but it was good to close the door on my class and even another play I was kind of cast in but the role was angry and i can’t afford anger in my psyche right now.
Whoever you are…reading my blog…I hope you are not an ARIES…we have another few days of this back and forth crazy!