Author: Susie Taylor

Kitchen

breaking through it

Last night I worked with the AMAZING Carey Brianna Hart on the sound for Jewbana. I watched, she designed, and I was just honored that she was willing to put her talent on this project.

Today another blessing…the brilliant Venessa Elise came over and helped me with a monologue I so desired her POV on. HOLY MOLY MIami has TALENTED women ….

I think there is a depth to our piece that I was hoping for through the comedy…which I will work on more this week and then MONDAY I will have another workshop with these two women and then …grab my balls and do the show for an audience on the 25th…ahhhh

I also had a skype session with Francis Allen who is helping me with my accent for another character.

and I took a circus class and I am getting there…little by little…

I am excited about the show and about opening it and about becoming the person I hope to be…a woman who can own her own even while having a family and being in love and it was a full moon and something else last night and

I am meeting myself
walking down a dirt road…and the dust is kicking up and the woman coming towards me…she is wise and wonderful and peaceful and happy and content…with her path and happy to say goodbye to me… and thank you…thank you for all you did to get us HERE.

We have Made HUGE decisions abut our future this past week…HUGE and amazing and life changing and the kids will be going through a few changes but…Steve and I …we will be together in it and changing and life..

life is exactly what you ask it to be…so ask without irony and without negation because the universe doesn’t know sarcasm…it read as desire..

like everything else we speak about …

your Tongue is your arrow…aim well…

Meet you at the horizon…

#whoissusie #jewbana

xoxo
Susie

Kitchen

In the BERKS

It is July 12th

I am a little less than a month away from the show
I just ran it for myself in the basement of my families home in the Berkshires

the show opens on the 8th

I am doing a run at the light box on the 25th for a small invited group of lovers..

I am hoping it makes sense…kind of…

or something

I have to work on accents…
I have to work on the characters
I have to feel the show out more..and the changes
I need something for Jaedon and something for Ani.

the show had a stumble through today…and so now I need to run it each day at least once…

s

Kitchen

Building a show by NGAF

So I am taking a show to Edinburgh…It was built out of love but it deals with Trauma…it is an honest and revealing version of myself as told through the eyes of people that know me. Most people wrote things but most people couldn’t and woundn’t but I used what those that did and put it into the mouths of others. or revealed their POV through my actions…

I come across as a pretty angry bitchy lover who is just speaking her truth by exposing herself.

it is not comfortable to others…people aren’t so happy about it…I didn’t really understand but they are starting to see ..this is past and hopefully they can understand that it is a way of celebrating the past in order to release it all and move on…

but one of the people I play who is kind of a catalyst for so many fucked up things that happened in my life…he isn’t the reason he was just there…and happened to be young and studpid and not equipt to handle me…but who is???…only ONE…

So any who..

In my attempt to make peace I have remade enemies but then again what is the point of a friendship if a sense of humor isn’t on the table….but even so…
here I go
Ho oponopono
TM
Please forgive me
I am sorry
I love you
and Thank you

I hope from all you have learned and experienced that you can see the FUNNY in this…in being able to expose a past version of yourself and know it isn’t you anymore…is liberating..

These were your words and I simply accepted them…I am sorry if they hurt…I think art does that even when you are trying to be nice..because truth stings before it heals.

Even when I try and be nice I am still a little bitch..a BIG bitch…. it is fully impossible or perhaps not fully possible for me right now to create without destroying…

I am heading into my second week of rehearsals…I am trying to get off script and get my accents going and my dance moves and fitness up to par…ahhhh

I am working hard and I am not perfect and that my dears is the point…in every attempt to do anything.. you will piss people off.. you will scrape at scars… you will challenge people to question if they truly have forgiven you or themselves and in the end…in the end you will know ONLY one thing…that you were brave enough to ask the question to begin with.

“Fall far and hard and break yourself whenever you can…so you can rebuild yourself with all the shattered pieces..”
Humpty Dumpty.

Kitchen

the lull before the

Structural tension…without coffee lasts twice as long…

I tend not to buck or yell or break the silence…I am sitting here…waiting…waiting for Nedra to take the notes from all the people that read the play and build a clearer opening and closing.

We have 2/3 of the piece done and that all is fine…I haven’t started to memorize I don’t have my egg or my sound or my lighting…or my other costumes exactly but…I am feeling like…feeling like…once I get to LA get in the room with Nedra we will create a piece that is going to KNOCK
our socks off…

I think I have forgotten myself entirely..forgotten the point of this…forgotten why I am even doing this and the passion has sort of shifted into a current…like I am in a current and I am just allowing things to happen and it is a trust thing and a newer thing…and I am off coffee like I said and things are SLOW like MOLASSES and I am BORED but know..it is only temporary…I totally don’t know how to relax…I don’t know how to just be ok with doing nothing but then I do…like an exhausted dog catch my breath …but lately….I am detoxing…detoxing from foods I found I am allergic to… and in that…I am internally shifting…

I just finished an aloe cleanse and now I am starting something that is called SP CLEANSE and just allowing myself to follow my body.

I miss my room I rent…I haven’t been there..I was working with circus people but tomorrow I will go there I think…why am I so tired…I am just so out of it..

I feel pre exhausted…Like I am building up for the show that will for sure be truly exhausting…I am excited ..I am scared out of my wits but not that scared…I am subdued in a way…

I am awaiting my travels this summer…I am aware I have no clothes…I need to get a sense of myself and myself isn’t being a great friend…I have become boring and disconnected from others and very very selfish and self focuses and feel like…I hate it…I hate working on my stuff and being all about me but I also know it is important and soon will feel totally normal and I will be able to place my legs under my shoulders again.

I have a structure for my circus dance at the start of the show…I hope to have my egg costume …tomorrow…who knows…all is going well…but really…who knows and who cares but for a little pin in the wall that said…been there done that.

Love susie

Kitchen

making Jewbana

Since Aug 16th 2018 I have started to decide I will do a one woman show. FOR REALS. A lifelong one day is now fast approaching. I have booked a theater and rented a home bought tickets for my family and I and have spent the last 4 months penning a script with one of my creative besties…Ms. Nedra Gallegos…

The script is ironing itself out and I have begunto put it on its feet then off to rewrite and then back on.

I have hired a person to help me get press. I have hired a person for social media once I get to Scotland…three friends are joining me…to support and take advantage of the opportunity of the experience…

I am feeling like this play has been writing itself in me for years and years…
and I am excited.

At the moment, I have decided to self-direct. As it is about me and I have some solid ideas…I am working with my Aunt Marcia on the costume…she who actually helped me dean bibbitec..and I am excited to be joining forces with her…and then I found Larry the designer to build a even better version of it.

My husband is listening to me and I am sharing the storyline with him and getting his input. I am proud of myself that I am actually asking and actually taking it without resistance to defensiveness. It is a rare feeling I am having more and more of copasetic behavior with the powerful people that are aligning with me on this project

I feel that this will be a major experience for me and I am allowing myself to slowly move toward it enjoying each part of it…even this part…the prep of the prep.

I wish you all big dreams and the freedom and the wings big enough to chase them…I feel like this has been a dream I built feather by feather and I am wining my wings and proud of each one’s ability.

I am asking the universe to continue to guide me…be it god or light or breath…all of it…to take me …let me draft…xoxox.
s

Kitchen

A PLAY- JEWBANA

I spent the past several years piecing myself together. trying to find out who I am …through movement…through videos…through writing and now through play. I am putting all the pieces back together again…Humpty Dumpty.

I created a concept and wrote a play with my dearest darling NEDRA….we are taking the play to Edinburgh as a salute to Motherhood and parenthood and the roles we play…and to actors and how we hold the key to mental health…by understanding how to GET OUT OF CHARACTERS….fully.

We started writing this I believe….in November by asking people to help me and then slowly found myself with Nedra writing out the stories they all sent in and tying it up in a bow-ish type of thing…I rewrote it she and I spent hour on the phone skit by skit and in the the final pages were nailed in…

Today Nedra wrote me the end of the play and I will be sending it t a director Monday and in that we will begin the rehearsal process.

the next phase of creation.

I did a scene last night about wrinkles about age and in that I was liberated…like a had never felt …or recently felt…a sense of FUCK YOU AND….I am still SUSIE KREITMAN TAYLOR…

I create art in my home town in my own city and. I tell stories I like and love to hear…and that my friends ….is all I need…..beyond my family

Simple girl…surrounded by love….xoxoxoxo

S

Kitchen

BEAUTIFULLY OLD

In order to change something, you have to stay in the thing and be the change. You have to hold you place till the opportunity arises to crush it all.

Last night I filmed a scene in a bathroom in the mirror…and it was about me…. growing old…No. ..me being old…it was a camera on my skin in my face and in my soul saying…look what you are so scared of?…these wrinkles?…these tiny lines?…this skin?…this is what you are scared of?

I played the scared woman and with that I exited the bathroom and felt a slow rush that took about two ours to process…

it was a RUSH of FUCK YOU.

When I exited the bathroom the three woman on set were discussing to themselves their own personal need for BOTOX and sleeping on their back…after watching my scene on the monitor-my face has caused them to fear the future …. what is coming and in that…

in that I realized I am the future. I am beyond. I am liberated from wondering what it will look like because I am there….on the train and I bought my ticket and I am not trying to force myself in the kiddie rides or roles…I am fully committed to being OLD…Wise…Beautiful….Kind….and ME…..as I am….as I become….

And those around me….I know they love me….for me…not for my sparkles or falsies….for me… and in that…in that….in that….I am free to Be ME.

Kitchen

MIAMI…FOREVER..

Today while researching on the ground…my upcoming role of a galleries… I happened upon a real one…THE one that just happened to become 1 and we had 2 for tea…

Please remember to open doors for yourself in Miami and beyond…because those that do are often treated well.

Take heed not to sit on your toosh…but rather venture onto the streets..the internet can only give you a level of understanding but to truly GET IT… you have to BE THERE..

explore….find…touch…and enter the physical truth ….anything else is a replication of a replication..or a …

Kitchen

in a play- writing a play – rehearsing for a play

leveling up is work…it is hard work and it comes all at one time…I am convinced..or at least it feel that way because you are entering a l=new level and so it seems MORE…but give it Time..

soon that will feel old hat and you will be yearning for more…

I am working a great deal and happy for it and want more…I am only asking for more because the alternative is not useful to me or my family…I have energy that need to be harnessed and used and placed into or onto something…other than my loved ones

creative energy is fire..it is important to harness it and manage it and when I grow more intense it is importune two thank it and reward it and wish for more burn and chawed hands…because…you rise to the occasion that you desire most…Currently I am rising to the working actor creator title and killing it!!!

More and more and more….please…I want it

Kitchen

the body knows….

my body…shakes….like I have the shivers…when I am letting go..
It literally breaks down and shakes and releases…
it is also set free and stopped the minute a truth is heard..
my body knows…my body hears and my body can guide me.
That is why I speak to myself when I am going through things or speak with people while I am emotional…becasue the right words will heal you and the only way to know what those are is to allow someone in while you are hurt…this is so vulnerable and doesn’t always help bc the other person may or may not have the skills and you may or may not know how to receive yet..

but lets say you allow yourself to be hurt in the open and you allow the persons you trust to speak to you…I promise you…you will only be healed by those that are for YOU…truly…

Our minds are not guides
Our hearts our..
our bodies are diligent servants of our desire…but if we don’t follow our desire…often and always we will begin to let the mind and ego guide our bodies by chance…and no one should live a life by chance…unless it is a chance encounter of the heart..

I felt lost and couldn’t find me..I had headaches…for a couple weeks…..I finely got had a trainer to work on my neck and head area and I felt a rush as my body reset and my sensory neurons opened…I saw clearly..
and I was receptive..again

I am thinking that this will be part of my regime…these next few months…as I continue to work and grow this part of my acting career

SKT