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a year and a half without my implants….and I have almost forgotten….

who I was with them. That is another meaning of F in S.U.R.F. – I really do forget and it is a good thing…it is a wonderful skill to forget once you have processed….it is a helpful gift that working things really out OUT gives me.

Residue of past roles..exist in us…it is proving to be the reality in my new play as I tap into old stories from my new and improved point of view..there was still residue…with the other people and in this play I suspect there will be more.

Who we are…in this lifetime… changes..often…and more often if you buy a ticket….to the never-ending solor system that is within you.

I have always been self obsessed, from a Doctor point of view. I am amazed at how any person moves through this life and since I am the closest person I know., I have shifted that curiosity to myself 100%. I don’t try too hard to understand why other people do what they do…I try to understand what I am doing and why…

I have become clear and can even understand who I am when I am off center..I can say…oh…this is off center because…guess what? I have felt center every one in a while…..here and there and for longer and longer amounts of times…days and even weeks…so I know who susie Susie is…and I also know who she is in a myriad of situations…while she is off center…

Being able to know thyself is the first step to being true to her. I feel like at this age…45…I am who I am….I am kind to her even when she is mean…I am loving to her even when she is angry and I am patient with her even when she is scared…

I have become my own lover and best friend and in that I have allowed my neediness of other people’s evaluation of me to dwindle. This self awareness work make me less selfish..when I am needed or around others because I am usually so over my stuff I am happy to become involved in others…when needed.

I am myself…and tomorrow I will be an older version of her and so on and so on…I am proud fo her…and her bravery of letting go of things that gave her power…things she falsely prayed to like saline filled boobies and frozen brows…

I may falter later on in life…I may fall back to wanting to be young externally forever but eventually…and logically I realized I will have to cross over into the next wise woman phase one day and why not get a head start with a happy heart?

being older and wiser as a woman can be sexy..right?…. Sexy .in a “you wish you understood what I have viscerally learned”…way.

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