I sat in the room and waited for the feedback…at the last read through..I did my monologue that the talented Juan Cejas wrote for me…and I was just….imbued with the feeling that I had hit upon something…a type of approach to my work that I loved and was going to be easy or easier for me to navigate out of.
I waited and the director said…what you did..the other night…”I was like…ok I am done…you’re good to go…so yeah the whole thing keep it.”
Ha…keep it?..what the fuck did I do?…I stood up and began again and then I realized that hands off the handlebar feeling I get when riding my bike or rollerblading on one leg..that trust is there..I finally have trust built NOT FROM my kudos that I kept searching for but from my internal self….I was able to let go because I got this…
I have since been working through the show and creating the movements softly and kindly and it is amazing…
I couldn’t see the force before because I was the force but let go of anger and the need to control and acting from a flow state is possible..not a happenstance but an totally possible reality I can replicate…
I am currently off regular coffee so I don’t get panicked.
I am letting go of promoting my class and keeping the rehearsal room for me but plan to move it to MTC.
I am not teaching groups and if anyone wants to work with me it is 125 an hour…and 150 for couples but honestly ..
I am fine…don’t need to worry about everyone else…just need to get my makeup and my outfits for my headshots…build up my Acting website and move along.
I see the play having something to do with NOTHING..being fluid and free and in the now and very very interactive…I plan to speak to Juan about it.